Breaking Potter's Heart
by Emma Youngish
Summary: "The best way to get rid of James Potter is to date him."  "What!"  "You heard me Lily. Date James Potter. Not only date him, break whatever heart he has."
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Diary, September 5th, 6th year_

_Today that horrible James Potter tried to kiss me again. I ducked but he managed to graze my hair. I think that made him pretty happy so I turned around and threatened to hex him but just then Professor Slughorn was walking by and I just couldn't risk it. I can't believe I have to be his Potions partner. That stuck up, good-for-nothing Quidditch "star" can eat hippogriff dung for all I care. What a great start to my sixth year. This has got to end._

_I'm too furious to write anything more._

_Lily Evans_

PS-I'm surprised he even made it into an N.E.W.T. level Potions class!

Dear Lily, Sept. 5th, Our Sixth Year

My mum said that the best way to tell someone something you need to tell them is to write a letter but then not give it to the owl. I figured I'd give it a shoot since you already hate me and if you're never going to read these letters, you'll never see what I really think of you. You'll never see how when I look at you I just know; deep down, that you're the only person in the world for me. You'll never realize that I keep a picture I found of you after knocking some of Snape's stuff out of his arms underneath my pillow or how I spend all my time trying to think of ways to win you over.

I suppose you'll never see this, but all the same I'll sign it.

All my love and more,

James Potter

PS-I didn't try to kiss you today in Potions. Padfoot thought it would be funny to trip me, and unfortuantly it was into you. And if we were to kiss, it would be in a much more romantic location and it would not be your hair.

_Dear Diary, September 7th, 6th Year_

_My first Saturday of the school year has ended and what an exhausting day it has been! I woke up rather early (Alice was still asleep) and lazily made my way down to the Common Room, which was rather empty too because no student in their right mind would get up this early. I was curled up in the recliner by the fire, still in my pajamas, when I heard stairs creaking from the Boys' Dormitory. I assumed that it would most likely be a first year who wanted to get to breakfast before it closed since they had such a tendency to get lost._

_Instead, it was Remus Lupin, looking rather startled to see me sitting there. "Good morning Remus," I said to him as he glanced around nervously. "Are you alright?"_

_"'Morning Lily," he responded, giving me a small smile. He was certainly my favorite out of his group of friends. Potter was…well, he was Potter and Sirius Black was so proud of himself that I felt like I was talking to a peacock. Peter Pettigrew was pretty alright but he always seemed so unsure of himself, as if he wasn't sure who exactly he was._

_This made Remus the best. He was smart and funny and quiet, all the things any boy should be. Of course, if anyone ever knew I thought that they would think I fancy him, which I **DON'T. **Remus is just someone I have always wanted to get to know because of how nice he is to everyone, as if he doesn't in any way want to offend them. Therefore, I try to chat with him but I often fail. The other boys are generally always with him._

_"What are you doing up so early?" he continued on. "I'm sure Alice will be worried when she wakes up."_

_"Oh, it's fine," I said, shaking my hand to shove off the topic of Alice. "She's used to this sort of thing. I suppose Potter and the rest will throw a fit when they notice you missing; you're the only one who has any chance of keeping them out of trouble!"_

_Remus laughed a little, before shaking his head and frowning slightly. "They aren't that bad you know. They're really smart-they just don't know what to do with it!" Just then I heard more footsteps pounding down the stairs. Remus did too, and he turned towards the noise. "If you just spoke with them once you'd see they aren't that bad."_

_I was already up the steps in the Girls' Dormitory, so I'm sure that Remus looked pretty confused at where I went. If I ever felt like speaking to those boys, I would do it while dressed at least. Potter would have a field day if he saw me in my nightgown!_

_"LILY! Where were you?" Alice screamed, launching herself at me from her bed. Thank goodness the other second year girls were already awake because Alice would have woken them._

_"Down in the Common Room reading," I muttered as she stepped away. "I came up to get dressed before Potter came down. I had bumped into Remus."_

_"Well, hurry up, I want to go get breakfast and then we need to celebrate the first Saturday back at Hogwarts!"_

_After a hurried breakfast (where Potter was nowhere to be seen), Alice and I made our way down to the lake to hang out in our favorite wooded area where we would enjoy a day of gossiping and chatting. It was really quite fun and I was rather enjoying myself. We had kicked our shoes off to soak our feet in the lake and Alice was just mentioning Frank for the hundredth time when we heard scuffling noises coming from somewhere close by._

_"Hello?" Alice called out. "Is anyone there? If you are, this is a reserved area for the two most amazing sixth year girls at Hogwarts!"_

_I giggled before clamping a hand over Alice's mouth. "Al! Be quiet! You sound so stuck up! For all we know, it's some seventh year couple making out!"_

_"No seventh year couple here, my Lily flower! Only me, James Potter!" Alice swallowed her laughs at my expression when a shirtless and sweaty Potter stepped out into our clearing. "And if I may say so," Potter continued with a slight bow, "you two are the most amazing girls in all of Hogwarts."_

_I snorted, Alice choosing to blush. Soon Black was next to Potter, his toned muscles standing out next to Potter's twig-like figure. Remus was looking apologetic (he was fully closed) while Peter was trying to hide behind Remus. Most of the other girls at Hogwarts would do anything to be in this position, but I just wanted to crawl under a rock and hide._

_"What were you two doing?" I demanded, standing up on the rock Alice and I had been sitting on. It made me taller than everyone else there and I felt like I was in a position of power. "You were making all sorts of annoying sounds and now you're standing here half-naked like two baboons!"_

_"I'm sure you like the view Evans," Sirius said to me, flexing his muscles just to prove his point._

_"The only view I like is the view when you aren't here."_

_Potter jumped in, almost as if on cue. "And the only view I like is you, Evans."_

_"If you really liked me Potter you'd get to know me and use my first name." With that I jumped off the rock and stormed back towards the castle, forgetting my shoes in the process. Thankfully Alice was there because she brought them up with her, along with her opinion on the argument._

_We met back up in the Girls' Dorm, a place we knew the boys couldn't infiltrate, even if they tried. I was using a simple charm to clean off and warm up my feet when Alice walked in._

_"Lily Evans! I am so surprised! Shocked! You, of all people, saying that to James Potter instead of insulting him!"_

_I glanced at her. "Al? Are you alright? I did insult him; I believe I called them 'half-naked baboons'."_

_Alice laid my shoes on the floor by my bed before sitting down. Speaking in a slow, even tone she shook her head before speaking. "No, what you did Lily was different. You told him to prove to you that he likes you by getting to know you. You gave James a challenge because you know he won't back down."_

_As if! I don't care what that Potter boy does. I just say whatever comes out of my mouth at the time. Did Alice seriously think I wanted Potter to get to know me? I would rather he lose control of his prized broomstick and fall, cracking his head open on the ground as blood-_

_Whoa, Lily, you need to calm down. Imagining his death isn't going to help me at all, even if it is fun._

_"Alice, I don't want Potter to get to know me. I just wanted him to leave me alone. It's a terrible thought to think that he might try to speak to me again."_

_"When are you going to wake up Lily? Your tactic of getting rid of him has failed for the past SIX YEARS! You need a new one!"_

_Putting on my shoes, I paused as I tried to figure out how to get rid of Potter once and for all. "Hmm…how can I get rid of Potter…"_

_"Oh! I know!" Alice exclaimed, wickedly clasping her hands together. The sparkle in her eye told me that she had a brilliant idea brewing. "I mean, it is pretty evil so if you don't think you're cold enough to do it…"_

_"Of course I am! This is Potter we're talking about; I'd do anything to get rid of him!" I stood up, tossing my hair back into a neat ponytail so that we could head done to dinner. We didn't eat much at our lunchtime picnic so I was rather hungry for some real food._

_Linking arms with me, Alice started to pull me done the steps to go eat. "The best way to get rid of James Potter is to date him."_

_"What?" I exclaimed, stopping in the middle of the stairs as a group of second year girls ran by us in a state of terror._

_"You heard me Lily," Alice said, pulling me along once again, "Date James Potter. Not only date him, break whatever heart he has."_

_Tossing Alice a grin, I started to laugh. "Really, why didn't they put someone like you into Slytherin?"_

_"Because I'm not evil enough!"_

_The rest of my day was pretty normal. Nothing too exciting to report, except for the one time when I was looking for Potter he was nowhere to be found. How annoying?_

_Off to a good night's rest before I attempt to be evil,_

_Lily Evans_

Dearest Lily flower, Sept. 7th, Our Sixth Year

Well, today was rather interesting, wasn't it? This morning the Marauders and I woke up earlier than we normally do on the weekends to get to practicing. It had been three months for Padfoot, Wormtail, and I to attempt performing an Animagus. The full moon is next week so we wanted to practice a little bit before it was the time for the big show.

Remus was already on his way downstairs when I finally got Padfoot to stir. "Oi! Padfoot! Wakey-wakey, eggs and bakey!" I picked this up from my mum; she says it to us all the time.

"We're going to be behind our schedule if you keep acting like a dead lump of wood!" Wormtail seemed to find that funny; then again, he finds everything funny. He isn't very original.

Slapping me on the shoulder, Sirius shoved me off his bed. After what seemed like forever, we went downstairs where dear ol' Moony looked rather confused.

"I was just talking to Evans," Moony said, "but she ran away."

"Evans? You scared her!" I exclaimed, surprised. You always seem to like Moony the best out of all of us.

"Ya," Moony replied, "I was trying to convince her to talk to you."

Sirius grinned. "It will take a lot more than just you. Like, maybe a personality change Prongs?"

I shoved him; hard. "Shut up. She'll be eating out of my hand soon enough. C'mon, I want to get this started!"

The four of us made our way into the woods were we went to be alone. Sometimes we used the Room of Requirement but random people had a tendency to burst in on us. In the woods we could cast spells to keep people away, but I guess today we forgot to cast one to block noise. That's what you heard; Padfoot, Wormtail, and I switching and wrestling and running. It had gotten pretty hot so Padfoot and I voted to take off our shirts to cool off.

"Hello?" Alice called out. "Is anyone there? If you are, this is a reserved area for the two most amazing sixth year girls at Hogwarts!"

Sirius's mouth twitched into a grin. "We could have fun with this."

"No Sirius!" Moony and I yelled at the same time.

Moony sat up against the tree he had been leaning against. "You can't risk people finding out about you being an Animagus and us sneaking off."

"And we can't scare Evans! You know she's with Alice! Let's go!" I took off towards the sound of your voices; I could hear your beautiful voice whispering away in someone's ear. It should have been my ear.

"No seventh year couple here, my Lily flower! Only me, James Potter!" I called out as I stepped into your clearing. You and Alice had taken off your shoes to soak your feet in the lake, and the way the sun was shining on your gorgeous face-well, needless to say, it would have made any guy freeze.

"And if I may say so," bowing, I continued with my chatter, "you two are the most amazing girls in all of Hogwarts."

Alice looked rather amused at the whole thing, but most likely refrained from laughing on your account Lily. You'll find that you can look quite dangerous when we're around, almost as if you want to kill some small fluffy animal.

"What were you two doing?" you demanded, standing up on the rock you and Alice had been sitting on. It made you taller than everyone else there and I knew it made you feel like you were in a position of power. Lily, you don't know this, but when you think you have the upper hand you have this gloating look on your face. Not a bad look, it's really quite cute on you. "You were making all sorts of annoying sounds and now you're standing here half-naked like two baboons!" Ouch, Evans. Baboons? I'm a stag, dearest.

"I'm sure you like the view Evans," Sirius said to you, flexing his muscles just to prove his point.

"The only view I like is the view when you aren't here." Burn. You really know how to lay it on.

I popped into the conversation, seeing an opportunity to complement you. (I don't do it enough.) "And the only view I like is you, Evans."

"If you really liked me Potter you'd get to know me and use my first name." Looking rather furious, you hopped off the rock and stormed off, Alice trailing after you with your shoes. I tried to take one to add to my shrine but Moony caught me and made me put it back.

Putting back on my shirt, I glanced over at Moony. "You know Moony, that didn't sound like an insult. It was more like a-"

"CHALLENGE!" Sirius bellowed. "You know you won't back down Prongs. Plus, it wasn't an insult, so obviously you're winning her over."

"Or," Moony began (he's the most in touch with his "feminine side"); "Evans is running out of ways to get rid of you. She probably just wanted to get away and doesn't realize what she said."

"Still," I continued as we walked into dinner, "I could always try it."

"Try what?" Ah, I could always rely on Wormtail to ask the simple questions.

"Try getting to know Evans to win her over. To get her to fall in love with me," I mean. Sirius wasn't really paying attention; his shirt was still off so he loved the attention the girls were giving him. That was, of course, until a professor walked up.

"I recommend that you and your friends go back to Gryffindor Tower and get changed. 10 points each from Gryffindor."

The rest of the day was pretty boring. Well, going to get started on my plan tomorrow.

Yours, and only yours,

James Potter

PS-Be prepared to get swept off your feet!


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Diary, September 9th, 6th Year_

_So begins today my conquest to destroy Potter's "heart." I suppose he'll never see it coming, which I suppose is supposed to make me feel better, but I still can't help thinking that this isn't going to end well. Alice assures me that since he's a guy it won't bother him too much, but I don't know… *sigh* I really need to get these negative thoughts out of my head. Focus on the victory! Focus on the prize! You will be forever rid of that stupid, silly, slimy, suspicious, senseless James Potter._

_To start off my day and my plan, Alice and I woke up earlier than the other girls to "beautify me". Considering I still had to wear the school uniform, I just focused on my hair. Generally my red hair is pretty lifeless but Alice worked some magic (no, not magic-magic) and it turned into lovely, long locks. (Hehehe…I was enjoying the adjectives. I must not get that carried away next time). Anyways, by the time we walked down to breakfast I had taken the school uniform to a whole new level._

_Heads turned when we walked in. Alice had spiffed herself up also (in hopes that some Hufflepuff name Frank would turn his head) so we made quite an entrance. Potter and his friends weren't in the Great Hall yet so Alice and I took our seats, making sure there was enough room for those four to sit by us. There was no way Potter would resist the opportunity to sit by me and his friends follow him no matter what. Needless to say, when Potter walked in alone I was rather startled, as was Alice._

_"This wasn't part of the plan," Alice whispered to me. She was supposed to socialize with the other three so that I could focus on Potter. Without the others, she would feel like an awkward third wheel._

_"We can improvise, can't we?" I whispered back. "Maybe you could forget something? Or we could just start the plan later."_

_"No, I spent two hours on your hair!" Alice exclaimed, "There is no way we're going to back down now."_

_I grinned at Alice. "Ah, I see the Slytherin has proved herself as a Gryffindor," I said with a giggle._

_Just then Potter sat down next to me, and Alice & I fell silent. I wasn't sure how to react; Potter wasn't chatting away about himself. He just said "Hi Evans." I blinked in surprise, glancing at Alice to see what to do. She nudged my arm to show that I shouldn't freeze._

_"Oh," I responded in a not-so-smooth way, "Hello Potter."_

_Alice jumped up from the bench. "Goodness! It seems I forgot my Charms book!" I refrained from giggling; that sounded so un-Alice._

_"I guess I'll see you in Charms," I responded, trying not to look panicked. "I'm not done with my breakfast yet. I suppose I'll just stay here with Potter." Alice walked out, and I could see her shoulders shaking slightly as she tried to refrain her laughter._

_Potter, I think he tried to not look surprised but I could see his eyebrows go up. My hands were shaking a little-hey, it's hard to be cruel-so I set down my fork. I didn't want to give away my nerve._

_"So Evans," Potter said after an awkward pause, "I bet you're excited about Charms. You seem to really like that class." At this point I was trying not to show my surprise; not only were Potter and I carrying on a conversation but he had not once complemented me or himself._

_"Ya, I'm pretty excited," I replied, trying to find a way to carry on the conversation. "Of course, I expect you're looking forward to Defense Against the Dark Arts."_

_Potter shrugged, taking a bite to eat before answering again. "I've always been more into Transfiguration," he replied._

_"Really?" I asked eagerly, curious as to why he liked it so much. Considering it was a difficult class, I assumed he would detest it. "Why do you like it so much?"_

_"I think it's interesting how you can turn one thing into another. Its complex and exciting-almost like a puzzle." Potter started to chuckle before he spoke again. "You must think I'm loony, going on about my obsession with Transfiguration."_

_"Oh no, not at all," I responded quickly (too quickly perhaps?). "I've never seen you this excited for anything except-"_

_"You?" Potter said softly, turning to look at me ever so slightly. Well then, trying to act all romantic, wasn't he? I quickly shook my head, although looking back I should have followed that line of conversation. I'm so used to avoiding talking about me with him (or talking to him in general) that I did what I automatically do._

_"Err, no. I was going to say Quidditch…"_

_"You listened?" Potter said, his head popping up._

_I gave Potter a sly smile before standing up. "Maybe." With that I turned and walked out of the Great Hall to my first class of the day. I met up to Alice on our way to Ancient Runes and quickly filled her in on what happened._

_"It was really odd how Potter was acting...acting…"_

_"Normal?" Alice offered with a laugh._

_"Exactly! Since when is that foul creature ever that calm?"_

_Alice stepped a little closer to me before speaking again. "Don't forget about our plan. I don't want you actually falling for Potter!"_

_"HA! Really Al, do you even know me?"_

_"Yes," Alice replied, giving me a mischievous grin. "And I know that you are very easily swept away by people. You're too trusting." We had walked into the classroom by this point and the conversation ended there. I didn't really bump into Potter again until Potions. We were partners, after all._

_"Today you will be making the Draught of Living Peace. Ah yes, how I do love giving this to my sixth year students! What would I do without it?" Professor Slughorn said, laughing at his own joke. Sirius was trying to talk Peter into tripping James into me again when Remus caught them and chewed them out. I couldn't help but giggle as Potter looked at me, rather confused._

_"It was Black, Pettigrew, and Remus," I explained. "They just were being themselves." I picked up the cauldron and set it over the fire so it could begin to boil._

_"Why do you call Moony 'Remus'?"_

_"Because it's his name. Why do you call Remus 'Moony'?"_

_"Because it's who he is," Potter said quite simply. "But really, why do you call Remus by his name? You don't do it with the rest of us."_

_"I call Peter 'Peter' sometimes," I pointed out._

_"Still, you always call Sirius 'Black' and me 'Potter'. We have first names too, you know."_

_"Oi! Prongs!" Sirius called, cutting into our conversation. "What are you doing with Lily, talking? I thought you said she'd be snogging you by this year!" Potter looked absolutely FURIOUS at Black! I thought he was going to snap!_

_"Oh, so this is what you tell people?" I asked. "That I would 'snog you'?"_

_"No! Lily!" Potter said. "Wait, no Evans!"_

_It was too late; I had already "accidently" knocked our half-finished Draught onto his feet, causing his shoes to be eaten away. Potter hopped around the dungeon screeching about his feet._

_When Alice heard about it she was furious. "This is NOT how you win over a guy to break his heart!"_

_"You can't expect me to change how I've acted for six years in one day!"_

_Alice sighed. "We're going to have to start all over again tomorrow, you do know?"_

_"I guess. Can't we just feed him to the Giant Squid?"_

_"Do squids eat dung now?" Alice replied, causing us to sink into a fit of giggles._

_And so diary, there are the highlights of my day,_

_Lily Evans_

_PS-I just realized that he called me Lily, even if it was only to "apologize" to me._

Sept. 9th, Our Sixth Year

You know, we started out having a pretty good day? I thought we were even getting along…until Potions. I'm still not speaking to Padfoot for that. Let's focus on the positive though love before I beg your forgiveness!

This morning I woke up a changed man Lily, I promise you that. I had all the intentions to make you realize that I had changed and to call you Lily but (and don't laugh at me) I was scared to talk to you as just me. You're extraordinary; why would you want someone as boring to me? I figure that to even get you to notice me I have to talk about things I'm good at, like Quidditch.

None of my friends were up when I walked down to the Great Hall, which I assumed you would like Lily since then we could talk one on one. When I stepped into the Great Hall, I knew where you were instantly. You always look pretty (even with the Hogwarts uniform on) but today was different. It's almost like you tried to look pretty because your hair was all done up. Of course, you don't need to try, so I don't understand why you did.

I plopped down next to you and Alice in what I hoped was a "non-Potter" sort-of-way. "Hi Evans," I said to you. Aren't you proud? I didn't say "Hello Lily flower, my dearest and one true love" or "Evans, E for extraordinary, V for vivacious, A for amazing, N for no one but me, and S for something special-how are you?"

"Oh," you said, "Hello Potter." Ah, how cute your "ohs" are!

Alice jumped up from the bench after that. "Goodness! It seems I forgot my Charms book!" Even though I don't really know Alice that well, I never really imagined her saying that.

"I guess I'll see you in Charms," you responded. I kept eating; this wasn't my conversation. "I'm not done with my breakfast yet. I suppose I'll just stay here with Potter." Alice walked out and I tried not to give my emotions away. It was something I never thought I would hear you say, that you wanted to spend more time with me. I think my heart is still in shock. Evans, that has to be the most beautiful thing you've ever said.

"So Evans," I said after my heart had recovered, "I bet you're excited about Charms. You seem to really like that class." What I really wanted to say was "So Evans, I bet you're excited about Charms. You're really amazing at it."

"Ya, I'm pretty excited," you replied, looking as if you were trying to contain yourself. "Of course, I expect you're looking forward to Defense Against the Dark Arts." I still wonder about what made you say Defense Against the Dark Arts.

I shrugged, taking a bite to eat before answering again. "I've always been more into Transfiguration." If only you knew Lily what I could do. You'd be so astonished at me; you'd be in disbelief! You would never think that I, James Potter, could be an Animagus!

"Really?" you asked. Lily, you seemed rather intrigued. I had finally found a topic of conversation that you liked! There was no way I was going to change it. "Why do you like it so much?"

"I think it's interesting how you can turn one thing into another. Its complex and exciting-almost like a puzzle." I can't tell you how embarrassed I was to say that. Lily, you always wanted to see the real James Potter and there I was. "You must think I'm loony, going on about my obsession with Transfiguration." And I nearly ruined the "real me" with that line…

"Oh no, not at all," you replied. "I've never seen you this excited for anything except-"

"You?" I asked. Well, it's true! I mostly just talk about you, or you and me, or us.

"Err, no. I was going to say Quidditch…" Bloody hell! Why did I bloody say that? At least you looked uncomfortable too.

"You listened?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

Lily stood up and SMILED at me. "Maybe." She walked out, and her hips swung back and forth…seductively? What was she playing at?

"Today you will be making the Draught of Living Peace. Ah yes, how I do love giving this to my sixth year students! What would I do without it?" Professor Slughorn announced. I wasn't really paying attention though; you were my partner so I was paying attention to that. It was much more important. You were giggling about something, I noticed, so I asked what exactly it was.

"It was Black, Pettigrew, and Remus," you explained. "They just were being themselves." Why was it Moony got to be called by his first name while the rest of us (namely me) were forced to be called by our last names? What made Moony so likeable?

"Why do you call Moony 'Remus'?" I finally asked.

"Because it's his name. Why do you call Remus 'Moony'?" Very sly Evans, very sly.

"Because it's who he is," I replied, not daring to go any further with the topic. You didn't need about his furry little problem. "But really, why do you call Remus by his name? You don't do it with the rest of us."

"I call Peter 'Peter' sometimes," Lily pointed out. We weren't talking about Peter!

"Still, you always call Sirius 'Black' and me 'Potter'. We have first names too, you know." Just once Lily, just once, could you call me James? It would mean the world to me.

"Oi! Prongs!" Sirius called, cutting into our conversation. "What are you doing with Lily, talking? I thought you said she'd be snogging you by this year!" Great…and now Potions took a turn for the worst. When did I ever say that either? I don't have any recollection of ever saying that you and I would snog by sixth year. I mean, I wouldn't mind if we did but I don't need you to know that. If it helps, I bet you're a really good snogger. I am…probably…

"Oh, so this is what you tell people," you screeched, "That I would 'snog you'?"

"No! Lily!" I screamed. "Wait, no Evans!"

Evans, you never even gave me a chance to explain what happened. I love you and everything, but perhaps you could control your temper? You redheads get so fired up and temperamental that you never give people a chance. You never give me a chance. For example, today you just happened to "knock" our Draught all over my feet. That bloody hurt! Since we didn't finish it, the potion was eating into my shoes and soon my feet.

Madam Pomfrey fixed me up pretty quickly, although it will be awhile until Sirius and I are patched up. Our conversation after I got out of the Hospital Wing was rather loud and to-the-point.

"BLACK! WHAT THE-" I'm sure you can figure out for yourself what I said next.

"James, seriously, calm down! It was a bloody joke! We make them all the time!" Sirius said, winking at a group of fourth years who walked by.

"You can't even take this 'seriously'!" I shouted. "You know, we had a CONVERSATION today! We were actually getting somewhere! I actually had a bloody chance and you ruin it!"

"It's a girl! You haven't gotten her in the past six years, what makes you think you'll get her this year?" Sirius shouted back. Peter was looking nervously between us and Remus was glancing around the hall before he spoke up.

"If you're going to argue, maybe you could do it in a classroom or something? No one else really wants to hear it." He was looking nervously at a group of people who had gathered nearby.

I glared at Sirius. Really, Lily, I was angry. He had made you angry at me when we had been perfectly happy. He knows this is one of the few things I actually care about. "I don't mind everyone hearing. In fact, I prefer it." Turning towards the crowd, I began to shout again. "OI! LISTEN HERE! THIS GIT IS A BACKSTABBING, FOUL 'FRIEND' WHO'S JUST OUT TO RUIN YOU-" Sirius pulled out his wand, walking towards me. I pulled out mine, and we stood facing each other.

"Potter, Black!" Neither of us moved as we heard the fierce bark of our Care of Magical Creatures professor striding towards us. "Drop your wands this instant! 20 points each from Gryffindor!"

This didn't stop us though, and finally Peter and Remus pulled us apart. I stormed off towards the Quidditch pitch; I needed to clear my head. You might find this hard to believe Evans, but I actually do have some emotions. Right now I was feuding with my closest friend, my brother, and the girl I loved thought I was some git who just wanted to get in her pants. When I was flying it would be just me and I could calm down.

My broom was down in the Gryffindor section of the broom shed, so I grabbed it. I have one of the best model brooms out there so kicking off and flying straight up was the most amazing feeling out there. It's indescribable; the whole world is out there for you to conquer, for you to explore. I know how much you detest flying Lily, but I hope someday you understand why I love Quidditch so much.

I spent some time going as fast as I possibly could, but after a while it just wasn't what I wanted. I slowed down to a more leisurely pace, floating lazily over the lake and through the towers of the castle. I swear that the giant squid smiled at me from his position in the lake and even the mermaids were gliding through the water. (Trust me Lily; mermaids aren't nearly as pretty as they are made up to be.) It was starting to get dark out and I finally had to land on the Pitch before I broke curfew. I had my Invisibility Cloak tucked away; if I hadn't I would have been caught on my way back to the Tower. No one was in the Common Room when I got in there and as I slipped into the Boys' Dorm I could hear Sirius roll over in his bed to avoid me.

Although I slid into bed quickly, I didn't fall asleep right away. I was thinking about how great this day started out and how terribly it ended. And you know what Evans; it's your entire bloody fault. If it weren't for the fact that I am completely in love with you I would have been done with you after today. You've screwed up my friendship and I've screwed up with you. I'm not sure yet how I plan on getting back together with you (even though we were never together) but it will have to be brilliant. I'll have to blow you away. Lily Evans, you're never getting rid of me. I'm always going to keep coming back, unless you kill someone. Or marry a Slytherin. Or get married to anyone but me. If you DATE anyone but me. Pretty much, if you do anything with anyone else who is male and isn't me.

I don't know what I'd do without you.

Yours,

James Potter

PS-I just realized I called you Lily today. Give me a chance to do it again some day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to everyone who commented! The traffic feature was down so I couldn't tell if anyone was reading, so I nearly gave it up. Thanks for the boost! =D Enjoy the story, let me know if it's too cliche, and try to catch the little hint for the future. ; )**

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_Dear Diary, September 10th, 6th Year_

_Today I was lovingly woken by Alice when her beautiful voice began shrieking at me while her delicate fingers threw overstuffed pillows at my head. Obviously, I wish I could be woken like this every day of my life. It went something like this:_

_"LILY RENEE EVANS! WAKE UP THIS ISTANT!" I rolled over in an attempt to tune her out but apparently wands can be used to lift you out of the bed._

_"ALICE! PUT ME DOWN! YOU KNOW I AM TERRIFIED OF HEIGHTS!" Finally, Alice plopped me on the floor as our fellow sixth year girls looked on. "What were you doing?"_

_"Did you really think you could hide it from me?"_

_"Hide what?" I snapped back in confusion. It was too early to be interrogated. The other girls had sat up on their beds, eager to hear the latest gossip. Not that any of them would tell anyone; we're the sixth year Gryffindor girls—we wouldn't betray each other._

_"About what happened in Potions stupid!"_

_"With Potter being a git?" I asked._

_"He wasn't being a git," Alice replied. "I know what really happened!"_

_"And what 'really' happened?"_

_"Well," Mary Macdonald began, "I got this letter this morning from Sirius." She held up a torn piece of parchment that was covered with scribbles, a large majority of them crossed out. Mary has been dating Sirius on and off over summer break since they live near each other. I'm not really surprised they have been; she's always been into those types of guys. You know the slightly-dangerous, amazingly-hot, owns-a-motorcycle types._

_"Go ahead and read it," she said, standing up to bring it to me. I took it from her hand, giving Alice a quizzical look._

_"I already know what it says. I'm sure you'd like to."_

_Here's a transcript of the letter:_

_Dear Evans,_

_I had this sent to Mary because Remus didn't think you'd take an owl from our dorm. James made me write this I wrote this to explain about what I said in Potions, even though it was true and James knows he wants to. The remark was pretty bloody funny uncalled for and I shouldn't have made it. James is stalking in the corner upset you won't speak to him or even gave him a chance to explain. Please, for the sake of everyone who was kept up last night by the sound of his tears James, talk to him again. He was already messed up because you had spoken to him for a few hours but now aren't having a bad day because his dog died in a fight with a werewolf complete change in personality because of you. I'm his best mate and I had never seen him so happy. Siriusly Seriously, in all siriusness seriousness, please meet James in the empty class room on the first floor near the Great Hall before breakfast this morning to snog talk._

_Black_

_PS-James also wants me to tell you Perhaps you two can hang out together during your break period this morning after breakfast_

_"This is, um…"_

_"Perfect!" Alice exclaimed. "It's been one day and you're already driving him bonkers! Our plan is going to work!" Alice pumped her fist into the air while the other girls looked confused._

_"What plan?" Mary finally asked. I wasn't going to say anything but obviously Alice thinks very differently from how I do, so she told her._

_"Ooooh!" went the dorm. Can they not find something better to do in the morning? "We can so help!" Mary declared._

_"Oh my gosh! You're right!" Alice said, her eyes widening. "We have someone on the inside—Mary!"_

_Mary's eyes twinkled mischievously. "Oh, I know I can help. Sirius isn't exactly bright."_

_"Hey, be happy you got the hottest guy in the school," one of the other girls said from the bathroom._

_"I am," Mary said innocently, "He makes a great snogger."_

_"Oh, ew! No one wants to hear that Mary!" I squealed._

_"Why are you still talking Lily? You need to get dressed! You need to go meet Potter!" Alice screamed. Really, she needs to chill out more in the morning._

_"I want to help!" Mary reached for her trunk, digging around for something. She ended up pulling out a huge make up kit. I tried not to cry._

_"Really, that isn't necessary," I said, putting up my hands and backing away._

_"She's really good at make-up," Alice explained. "I'll write a note in return to tell him that you'll be there."_

_With a sigh, I realized that the fight was futile; I let them have their way. By the end I had to hand it to them though; Mary was pretty good at it. I put my uniform on and curled my hair a little bit. I didn't want to go too overboard._

_The Common Room wasn't too full when I was down there, but those who were there looked half asleep. They didn't acknowledge me, except for Remus, who was by the bulletin board._

_"Going to meet James?"_

_"Ya….I supposed I should." I kicked a gobstone that was on the ground in thought._

_"I hope the letter wasn't too horrible. I tried to keep a close eye on it but then Sirius locked himself in the closet." Remus gave me a weak smile._

_"I have to go," I replied abruptly. I didn't want to be around Remus suddenly. He made me feel so guilty about what I was doing, even if he didn't know. I wouldn't be surprised if he did know though. I turned and walked out of the Common Room, trying to ignore the Fat Lady's comments._

_I reached the empty classroom Potter had mentioned, and I peeked in the small window before going in there. He was bent over a desk, looking at something. I silently walked in, tip-toeing my way over to him. When I was right behind him I leaned over so that my head would be close to his ears. "James?" I asked, causing him to jump. "What do you want with me?"_

_James flung himself around so that our faces would be only a few inches apart. "To apologize for everything that happened yesterday in Potions." His voice was low and I couldn't help but notice that it was rather deep._

_"Apologize for wanting to snog me?" Oh, I was going to play games with him. He was going to be so confused._

_"Evans, I never-"_

_"Lily. And I know you want to. I've always known." I tried not to blush; this was like one of those horrible novels Petunia would read._

_To my shock, James leaned in to kiss me! KISS ME! As if I would let him! I took a step back, and James looked crestfallen. "You don't even know me," I explained, "Why would I just let you kiss me?"_

_"I do know you! I know you like to wake up early when no one else is up and that you like learning new charms and that you have never been to a Quidditch match or-"_

_"You don't know me at all James. I recommend you start learning." I turn and walked out, expecting to go to breakfast. Instead I felt a hand on my arm._

_"Lily, I know how I can get to know you." This is when I started to feel bad, really bad. I've never seen him look that way or act this seriously. His eyes were HUGE and I felt like he was desperate, that he would do anything. Why did he have to look so…hopeful?_

_"Oh?" I asked, not trusting myself to say anything more._

_"Follow me. Neither of us have a class this morning, so what's the harm in it?" I realized his hand was still on my arm._

_"Fine.'' I gently removed his hand from my arm. "What are we doing?"_

_"You'll see. Just follow me." And in total shock, I followed James Potter against the crowd of students. What was I doing? I caught Alice's eye in the hall, she was with Mary, and she didn't help much by winking at me._

_Twenty minutes later, I found myself eating breakfast with James in something called the 'Room of Requirement'. Apparently, if you thought about something you wanted it would appear there. James had made a nice little table appear with some delicious looking food (I'm not really sure how that worked) and let me decide how to decorate it. I had it decorated to look relaxing, but elegant at the same time. It was really quite pretty._

_"So…" I said, after we had sat in silence for too long eating. It was rather awkward._

_"So?"_

_"Well, I'm trying to start a conversation but evidently I'm failing."_

_"Oh." James chewed thoughtfully on his breakfast before speaking again. "Well, why do you never go to Quidditch matches?"_

_I felt my cheeks flush in embarrassment and I knew it had to look lovely against my red hair. "Well, I'm rather afraid of heights you see."_

_"You aren't on the broom though."_

_"See, I, um, well… I hate walking up those steps to the stands. I hate watching the people in the air." I laughed bitterly. "What type of Gryffindor am I? Unable to master a few stairs."_

_James looked surprised, but did a good job trying to hide it. I have to give credit where credit is due. "So? Everyone's afraid of something. For example, I'm terrified of…of…"_

_"See! You aren't scared of anything; you're a real Gryffindor!" I exclaimed, happy to prove my point._

_"I'm scared of losing those I'm close to," James said softly. I small gasp escaped my lips; since when was James nice? I was starting to regret doing this. I was starting to regret everything. But I had already started so I couldn't turn back now could I? What would the girls think of me? How could I break the heart of someone who feared losing people? Was I that much of a monster?_

_"I have to go. I have to leave. I'm sorry James, I'm really sorry." I hopped out of the seat and ran away. I ran for a long time, I ran until I couldn't run anymore. I am a wimp. I am a coward. I'm not a Gryffindor._

_I'm currently hiding out in this empty room I found. I've missed all my classes. It's lunch time now._

_Lily the Coward_

Dear Lily, Sept. 10th, Our Sixth Year

It has been really awkward in our dormitory. Padfoot and I didn't speak last night and this morning Moony made us sit down for a "mature discussion". Does he not know us by now?

"Padfoot, Prongs," Moony began, "You guys are friends. Don't let some girl come in between you."

"She isn't just 'some girl'! You should know that by now!" I exclaimed.

Sirius gave me a stare; it looked like pity and amusement mixed together. "Mate, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but have you ever thought that she doesn't feel the same way for you? You've been chasing her for years; maybe you should find someone new."

"No, no, no!" I jumped up in frustration. How can they not see it Lily? I know you love me, even if it very deeply hidden. "I'll win her over, you'll see!"

Moony looked thoughtful. "Why don't you ask her to meet you Prongs? Have Padfoot send the letter though to Mary so that Lily will believe it more." Mary is Padfoot's on-again, off-again girlfriend.

"I'll do it James," Sirius said. I knew he felt bad we had fought. I felt pretty bad too.

"Thanks Sirius. Marauders?"

"You're stuck with me," he replied, grinning. I didn't expect Sirius to write a perfect letter-I know him better than that-so I didn't argue too much with what he wrote but did demand that some things got crossed out. He said that writing a masterpiece takes time and locked himself in the closest so that we couldn't bug him.

Here's the letter:

Dear Evans,

I had this sent to Mary because Remus didn't think you'd take an owl from our dorm. James made me write this I wrote this to explain about what I said in Potions, even though it was true and James knows he wants to. The remark was pretty bloody funny uncalled for and I shouldn't have made it. James is stalking in the corner upset you won't speak to him or even gave him a chance to explain. Please, for the sake of everyone who was kept up last night by the sound of his tears James, talk to him again. He was already messed up because you had spoken to him for a few hours but now aren't having a bad day because his dog died in a fight with a werewolf complete change in personality because of you. I'm his best mate and I had never seen him so happy. Siriusly Seriously, in all siriusness seriousness, please meet James in the empty class room on the first floor near the Great Hall before breakfast this morning to snog talk.

Black

PS-James also wants me to tell you Perhaps you two can hang out together during your break period this morning after breakfast

"That looks good," I told Sirius. I clapped him on the shoulder. "I'm sorry for over reacting mate."

"I'm sorry for making that comment," Sirius replied, "I should know by now that Evans is off limits to jokes.

Remus smiled. "And to think you nearly let Evans come between the two most mischievous pranksters Hogwarts has ever known."

I refrained from jumping up and down in excitement. "C'mon! Send the letter already! I can't wait!"

"Ok, ok," Sirius said, laughing. He walked over to the window and tapped his wand to the parchment, muttering a spell as he did so. It fluttered outside and to the Girls' Dorm.

It felt like it took forever to get a reply back. I paced the room in hopes that it would come soon, but it didn't speed anything up. Peter tried to cheer me up by offering me some Chocolate Frogs but I just wasn't in the mood.

Finally the paper came flapping back into the room. Sirius picked it up and slowly unfolded it but I couldn't take it any longer; I tackled Sirius to the ground and took the paper myself.

"SHE'S GOING TO BE THERE! LILY'S GOING! LILY'S GOING TO MEET ME!" I danced around the dorm, before freezing. "Crap! I need to get going! Do I look fine?" I ran my hand thru my hair nervously. It's a nervous habit.

"Just go Prongs!" Sirius said, shoving me out the door.

I was the first one to the classroom. I was pacing the room, looking around, trying not to let my nerves show. Something was scribbled on a desk. I leaned over, taking my wand out to eliminate the area. Was that a Dark-?

"James?" you whispered into my ear. "What do you want with me?"

I spun around "To apologize for everything that happened yesterday in Potions." We were so close together. I never realized how close in height we are, how your nose is just below mine.

"Apologize for wanting to snog me?" You had a small smile on your face, but I still felt the need to defend myself.

"Evans, I never-"

"Lily. And I know you want to. I've always known." I think my mouth fell open. You seemed to be inviting me, the way you smiled, bending your head forward as a wisp of hair fell into your face. So I did what any man would have done in that situation; I tried to kiss you.

"You don't even know me," you explained, "Why would I just let you kiss me?" I can't believe I went in for the kiss. How stupid am I? The whole reason I was there was about NOT wanting to snog you!

"I do know you! I know you like to wake up early when no one else is up and that you like learning new charms and that you have never been to a Quidditch match or-" I said, trying to get you to see how much I know you. Lily, I know everything about you.

"You don't know me at all James. I recommend you start learning." Lily, you are one big headache…I wouldn't change it for the world. That's why I reached out to stop you.

"Lily, I know how I can get to know you." It wasn't much of a plan, and I hadn't really fully thought it through, but it was the best I had. The most I had to go on. You stopped though and seemed interested.

"Oh?"

"Follow me. Neither of us have a class this morning, so what's the harm in it?" My hand was still on your arm, and I couldn't help but like the feel of it.

"Fine.'' You removed my hand from your arm, but you agreed! "What are we doing?"

"You'll see. Just follow me." I started off down the hall, through the crowd of students heading to breakfast. I saw Moony dragging Padfoot away. Thank Merlin I have someone who is smart enough to take Padfoot away from you and I!

When we had reached the Room of Requirement, I explained to you how it worked. I opened the door, where in the center sat a simple table covered with extravagant breakfast food. I let you in decorate Lily, and it really showed me a lot about you.

You gave the room this really simple feel, as if you wanted it fancy but comfortable at the same time. There were really elegant paintings up, but the way they hung crookedly with quotes lining the wall let me know what you felt. I put this in the back of my mind so I could come back and visit again later.

We had been eating awkwardly for a while, and finally you broke the silence. Who knew I was shy? "So…"

"So?" Really smooth of me, wasn't it?

"Well, I'm trying to start a conversation but evidently I'm failing." Congrats Evans, you made me laugh.

"Oh." I thought about what to say, so I obviously thought of Quidditch. "Well, why do you never go to Quidditch matches?"

You blushed! As if you couldn't get any cuter! "Well, I'm rather afraid of heights you see."

"You aren't on the broom though." Gaa! I really need to think of better things to say.

"See, I, um, well… I hate walking up those steps to the stands. I hate watching the people in the air. What type of Gryffindor am I? Unable to master a few stairs."

This really shocked me, but I didn't let it show. I'm pretty good at not showing emotions. It's a guy thing. "So? Everyone's afraid of something. For example, I'm terrified of…of…"

"See! You aren't scared of anything; you're a real Gryffindor!" Lily, you really need to give people a chance to think before jumping to conclusions.

I can't believe I said what I'm about to write. "I'm scared of losing those I'm close to." You gasped Lily. Shocked that I have emotions? Or shocked that I have a heart? Which was it?

"I have to go. I have to leave. I'm sorry James, I'm really sorry." You jumped up and ran away!

"WAIT! LILY!" I called after you. You were out the door and down the hall; I tore after you. "LILY!" You were gone.

I'm looking for Sirius now. He has the Map. I need it so I can find you. Could you not be such an emotional girl? Thanks.

More later after I find you,

James


	4. Chapter 4

_Dear Diary, September 10th, 6th Year (cont.)_

_Wow…I can't believe today. It's been very, very strange. Everything I thought I knew has been turned upside down, like one of those horrible spells you see in a book in the Restricted Section. I can't believe that I SKIPPED classes today just because I was too much of a coward to risk facing everyone. Really, they should have put me in Hufflepuff or something. No! Not even Hufflepuff, they shouldn't have ever sent me a letter! I never deserved one but here I am. If only Petunia knew how hard it was to live in a world where you obviously don't fit in, just to return to one where you will always stand out. *sigh* I wish the letter had gone to her._

_Anyways, on a slightly more depressing note, where did I leave off earlier? Oh yes, when I was "heroically" hiding out in an empty classroom. Well, needless to say, I felt like hippogriff dung. Not only was I unable to break someone's heart that I couldn't stand but I couldn't even admit the fact that he was starting to grow on me._

_Don't take that the wrong way diary. As you and I both know (are you me too?), I could never let Potter grow on me that much. I was just discovering that he wasn't as annoying as I previously thought. Not that anyone would understand that._

_Anyway…back on topic! I was sitting in this room, minding my own business when who comes prancing in but Sirius, Remus, and Peter. I had conjured up a few brightly-colored rabbits to entertain me in my hide out. "What do you want?" I asked as my new friends vanished._

_"Well Evans, if you must know-" Sirius began before being interrupted by Remus._

_"We know you ran off from James. We're just curious as to why."_

_"How do you know he didn't scare me off?" The boys stared glances, apparently opting to ignore my question._

_"Lily, we know that something is going on if you're even talking to him in the first place." Darn it Remus, why do you have to be so smart? If one of them were to catch on to the plan… Let's just say I would never be able to show my face at Hogwarts again._

_"Is it really any of your business who I talk to?" I asked, standing up so that I would be more leveled with them. It gives me a sense of power and lessened the power they had just a little bit. "How did you find me anyways?"_

_"First, Prongs is always our business. Secondly, that's our business about how we got here, not yours, so stay out." Can you be anymore obnoxious Black? Do you strive to drive people away?_

_"Back on topic, you two," Remus interrupted, attempting to smile. How does anyone smile at a time like this? "Why are you playing him Lily?"_

_"I'm not playing him," I replied, even though I so am. I'm so bad. On the bright side, I could make this work. I could still go through with my plan, my totally heartless evil plan, with the help of Potter's friends. I mean, I didn't want to tell them what I was doing. I had to either crush James Potter or crush myself. As shameful as it is, I chose myself. Who wouldn't though? Once again, I don't understand why the Sorting Hat put me in Gryffindor. Nothing and no one is perfect, including a magical hat._

_"Maybe," I said, lowering my voice to make it seem more believable, "maybe I don't know what to think of James Potter."_

_"Wha-?" Black began to ask before Remus elbowed him. I had my head downcast, hiding my eyes behind my hair. This made my staring hidden and my cold calculation unnoticeable. I really should join the British Secret Intelligence Service._

_Next, to add on to my already genius acting skills, I let a few tears fall. "I just don't know what to think, you see. Here is someone I have hated forever-FOREVER-and all of the sudden my heart races when I see him and I look for him in the halls not to hide but to talk to! It's scaring me!"_

_Sirius and Peter looked absolutely bewildered but Remus managed to remain cool. He came over and gently placed a hand on my arm. "Understandable. You just don't know what to do."_

_I widened my eyes as I turned to look into his. "I, I don't want people to think me a hypocrite. But at the same time, I want to follow my heart." Did I really say that, 'follow my heart'? My opinion of myself just keeps going lower and lower._

_Peter glanced at Sirius. After a few whispers and nudges, Peter left and Sirius nodded at Remus. They were using their guy code for something. "Listen Lily; let's go back to the Room of Requirement so that you can calm down in a comfy location. I hear girls like to eat chocolate and mope and cry into pillows. The Room could get you all of that." Remus would make a good sales person. He knows just where to get people so that they'll do whatever he says._

_I sniffled for dramatic flair, silently wondering where Peter had run off to and what was going on. Then I took a few steps forward and gave Sirius a watery grin. "I was running so fast earlier that I didn't see where I was going. This is so embarrassing, but can one of you take me to the Room?"_

_"Perhaps I can help?" I recognized Potter's voice instantly. It sounds flowery and nice on the top but once you did deeper it's full of dung. Turning, I gasped just loud enough for those closest to me to hear as I began to blush._

_"How long have you been standing there Potter?"_

_"How long would you like me to be standing here Evans?" I hate your smirk. It's so ugly._

_I pretended to think about it, sticking a small smile on my face. "For as long as possible." You reacted with a startled blink and a quick glance towards Sirius who responded with a small shrug._

_"So, are we going?" I finally asked when no one said anything. Potter walked over, looking as if I would bite him if he got too close. I kept my face composed, silently cursing myself for having chosen the tears. Now I had tears all over my face._

_Potter didn't seem to mind though. He wiped one away and I had to resist from flinching in disgust. Does that move ever work on anyone? No one, I'm guessing because it certainly didn't work with me. Then he tried to hold my hand but I just couldn't do that. "No, lets…let's not."_

_"Why? You just said-"_

_"I'm just not ready to go that public, you know? This is really confusing after everything we've been through. Let's just get going, ok?"_

_James nodded, casting a puzzled glance towards Remus. "Ok then. We'll just walk there, together."_

_After taking the longest, most awkward walk in my entire life, I realized something. James Potter had never, ever, EVER been this quiet. There was something wrong. Maybe he really was falling for me. Which works perfectly since that's my whole plan. Duh._

_Listen, I'm too tired to write about what happened when we reached the room. I'll finish it tomorrow. For now, I'm going to bed._

_Night!_

Lily

Dear Lily, Sept. 10th, Our Sixth Year (again)

It only took me FOREVER but I found you. Well, I didn't find you, my mates did. They (because they are total SPIES) were watching us on the Map. I suppose they just wanted to see how long we could stay together without one of us dying.

After you ran out, I tried to run after you but you disappeared very quickly. I almost wondered if you have an Invisibility Cloak too. You could also just be really fast. I decided to check all the hangouts before looking in the random spots of Hogwarts. You weren't in the Common Room or the Girls' Dorm (I had some third year check for me). You weren't in the library, the Great Hall, or by the lake. You weren't anywhere I expected you to be.

Finally, when I just didn't know what to do, an angel came upon me in the form of Peter. "Wormtail! I need the map! Where is everyone?"

"Prongs, just follow me. Calm down a little too."

"Calm down?" I jumped from the bench I was sitting on and barely refrained from grabbing Peter's throat.

Peter stepped back. "We know what happened. Moony and Padfoot are interrogating Evans right now."

I could feel my heart freeze, Evans. Seriously. I can't even imagine what they could be doing to you. "Just take me to her, ok? I can't take not knowing."

Wormtail led me down some halls and finally we entered an empty classroom. I guess there were just so many rooms I couldn't find you. Evans, I would have kept searching, just so you know. I never would have given up on you.

We slipped into the room unnoticed. You were in the midst of some break down. I thought briefly about what you had said before I entered. I figured I would just ask the guys later.

"I was running so fast earlier that I didn't see where I was going. This is so embarrassing, but can one of you take me to the Room?"

I knew, right away, that this was my moment. I spoke up. "Perhaps I can help?" Evans, you blushed! You gasped too! You're so beautiful, even amid the tears.

"How long have you been standing there Potter?"

"How long would you like me to be standing here Evans?" Not the smoothest reply but I couldn't think of anything else to say. Besides, I wanted to make it look like I knew something instead of just having been tossed into the situation.

"For as long as possible." The smile on your face only helped to confuse me, so I looked swiftly at Padfoot for help. He just shrugged. Big fat load of help you are.

"So, are we going?" I moved closer to you, wondering briefly if this wasn't a dream that would turn into a nightmare. I could just picture you hexing my face off the face of the earth. I made a move to wipe your tears. When you didn't flinch, I made a move to hold your hand. You rejected me. "No, lets…let's not."

"Why?" I asked, confused. "You just said-"

"I'm just not ready to go that public, you know? This is really confusing after everything we've been through. Let's just get going, ok?" If that is what you wanted than I could do it. I gave Moony a look of confusion before I replied.

"Ok then. We'll just walk there, together." We walked out of the room together, slowly making our way down the hall. I gave the Marauders one last look and they just shrugged.

It was a walk of silence. A walk of shame. A walk of awkwardness. And yet, I was walking with you. With Evans. With Lily, the love of my young life.

When we reached the room, I said I would take care of what it looks like. When she opened the door, Lily gasped next to me.

I had turned the room into a field of flowers. You could still see the walls but what appeared to be trees lined the room. I figured and outdoor setting would make her happy. There was a blanket in the center for us to sit on.

"So, do you like it?" I asked a little nervously.

"How could I not?" you replied. I think you were trying not to smile too much.

"Would you like to sit down?" I grabbed her hand and pulled her over before she could protest. "We're alone Lily, surely I can hold your hand now." It was tiny, rather chilled, and fragile to the touch. I felt like she was afraid to move it, almost as if the moment would shatter. I felt it could shatter.

"Why flowers?" you asked suddenly.

"I thought girls liked flowers?"

"We do. I just never imagined getting these many flowers."

"Are they enough?"

You giggled before lying down on the blanket. I lay down next to you and rested my hand on top of yours lightly. "Of course there enough James, I just didn't think someone would want to give me this many."

"I would give you more if I could."

We fell into a silence but this time it wasn't as awkward as before. Rather, it was a comfortable silence. I rolled onto my side, looking at you as you lay, hands beneath your head, staring at the ceiling. The uniforms at Hogwarts, as you know, aren't particularly flattering. This time though, I couldn't help to appreciate the looseness of them. Since we were lying on the ground the uniform was merely lying on top of you but it hung down, fitting your curves. Nice curves too, Evans.

You continued to just stare at the ceiling which had swirling colors. I figured that was your wants shining through. The colors were rolling together, spinning around each other, and at some points mixing. It was pretty amazing to look at but, at the same time, it gave me this feeling of confusion.

"James?"

"Yes Lily?"

"Why did you always try so hard to date me?"

I blinked rapidly, running my free hand through my hair. "Who wouldn't?"

"Be serious Potter."

"I can't be Sirius, I'm James."

You sat up quickly and pulled your hand out from under mine. "Answer me Potter."

"Okay Evans, you want the truth?" I sat up too. "Some people say you just know when you're in love. People say things like 'love at first sight' or 'May born witches marry Muggles.' There are all these superstitions and rumors but no one ever really knows what love is until they feel it for themselves. I just knew that you were mine. Remus told me about his tutoring sessions for Defense Against the Dark Arts with you."

I could see you blush. "It was just that one time. The Patronus Charm was giving me difficulty. I needed it to pass."

"You Patronus is a doe, is it not?"

"Ya, but how would know that?"

"Mine is a stag." Your eyes widened as you took in the information. I could almost see the House Elves in your brain working.

Finally, you spoke. "That's rather interesting, isn't it? Why would we have such similar Patronuses?" After you said that, you seemed to regret it. You're quite the interesting character, Lily.

"People who have the male and female pair of the Patronus are meant for each other. It's pure magic."

"Pure magic," you repeated softly, looking confused as you sat back down. We chatted some more about different subjects, all of them light hearted before you looked at your watch.

"Do you see the time? I'm a prefect! I need to get back to the Common Room; I can't be caught out of bed!" Once again Lily, in that slightly annoying habit you have, you jumped up.

"Lily, take it easy. You'll be fine. Just say you're patrolling the halls or something. Say you were doing your duty as a prefect and followed me when I snuck out of the dorms."

"That's actually a good idea James. You surprise me."

"You surprise me too Lily. I'm not dead, hexed, cursed, or injured after spending all this time with you."

There was your laugh again Lily. Music to my ears. "Oh be quiet. Let's get going."

I led our way out the door, cautiously sticking my head out to check and make sure no one was around. The corridor was empty so we stepped out. I grabbed your hand nervously and I was pleased to see that you didn't reject it this time. You probably figured it was too late for anyone to see us. You think a lot like a Slytherin sometimes.

When we reached the Portrait Hole you stopped. "I just thought I should say good night to you here, you know for privacy." Where you going to kiss me Lily? My heart sped up, my stomach plummeted, and-

-you stuck out your hand. A handshake, really? I took it and pulled you close before going in for the kiss. You dodged it.

"Not just yet Potter," you said, a quirky little smile on your face. And then you were gone.

The Marauders questioned me endlessly about what happened and Remus filled me in on what happened with you (don't worry, I ignored Sirius's side comments). I just wanted to write all of this down before I forgot. It was a confusing day but rewarding in so many different ways.

Yours,

James


	5. Chapter 5

**_Hey you guys! I just wanted to thank you for the interest in the story. My posting will be weird (I don't have a regular schedule). I'm also working on A New Type of Punishment to keep me from getting writer's block. This is my first fanfic and I hope I keep on improving for you guys. I'm enjoying the story too._**

**_=)_**

* * *

_Dear Diary, September 11th, 6th Year_

_Well, I really suck as a person. James really surprises me. And I have to make a heart winning move soon so I can even sooner crush him. Let me just quickly tell you about the rest of yesterday before I forget (and before Alice gets down here to the Great Hall for breakfast). Wednesday morning means double Transfiguration and double Marauders. For some unexplainable reason, all the Marauders are rather talented in Transfiguration, including Peter who never really excels at anything unless his friends cheat him through. So anyways, I should get back on topic before Alice comes in._

_"So, do you like it?" were the words you uttered when we opened the door. James had transformed the room into a meadow with trees nearly covering up the walls. It took me back to my childhood when Petunia and I would play for hours in a nearby park._

_Trying to sound flirtatious, I replied with "How could I not?"_

_"Would you like to sit down?" This took the most work on my part. Potter had reached out and grabbed my hand. How could I not react to this one? James must have thought ahead though. "We're alone Lily, surely I can hold your hand now." Potter's hand was large, warm, and completely covering mine. I was kind of afraid to move my hand, like he would catch on to my act if I moved it._

_"Why flowers?" I asked to give us something to talk about._

_"I thought girls liked flowers?" Potter, if only you could have seen the look on your face. I think he was worried that I would totally reject his idea. I mean, even if I totally reject him (on the inside now) doesn't mean I was going to reject a field of flowers. I like flowers._

_"We do. I just never imagined getting these many flowers."_

_"Are they enough?"_

_I couldn't help but giggle, perhaps at your stupid confusion. "Of course there enough James, I just didn't think someone would want to give me this many." We were lying down on the blanket. I was staring at the ceiling, at all the colors. James had his hand resting on mine. I just focused on the ceiling. It didn't really help me. The colors just confused me or maybe I was confusing the colors. Who knows?_

_"I would give you more if I could."_

_The two of us fell into a silence before I spoke again. "James?"_

_"Yes Lily?"_

_"Why did you always try so hard to date me?" It is a question I have always pondered. Who would spend that much time trying to date someone like me? I just don't get it._

_James ran his free hand through his hair before speaking again. "Who wouldn't?"_

_"Be serious Potter."_

_"I can't be Sirius, I'm James."_

_I was sick of the jokes. "Answer me Potter."_

_"Okay Evans, you want the truth?" James sat up. "Some people say you just know when you're in love. People say things like 'love at first sight' or 'May born witches marry Muggles.' There are all these superstitions and rumors but no one ever really knows what love is until they feel it for themselves. I just knew that you were mine. Remus told me about his tutoring sessions for Defense Against the Dark Arts with you."_

_I blushed. It was one time I need help, one time! Why did people always talk about it? "It was just that one time. The Patronus Charm was giving me difficulty. I needed it to pass."_

_"Your Patronus is a doe, is it not?"_

_"Ya, but how would know that?"_

_"Mine is a stag." That kind of blew me away. I felt like I had been hit with a babbling charm, but it was all in my head. I knew that they showed your personality, that Patronuses are a window to your soul. I remember reading once, very briefly, that married witches and wizards normally had a matching pair of Patronuses. So why would we have one? I a doe and he a stag? It couldn't mean anything, right? I didn't want Potter to think that I was thinking about what I was thinking._

_"That's rather interesting, isn't it? Why would we have such similar Patronuses?" Of course, I'm so smart that I asked the very thing I didn't want to know. I really wanted to know if James knew what I knew._

_"People who have the male and female pair of the Patronus are meant for each other. It's pure magic."_

_"Pure magic," I repeated, lying back down on the blanket. I mean, I know love is something like magic and all that stuff but could it be proven as pure magic? I really need to stop thinking about James as if I love him because I don't. I'm Lily Evans, the hater of all things James Potter._

_Nothing really happened until we left. Potter grabbed my hand and I couldn't really get out of it. When we reached the Portrait Hole, it was awkward. Beyond awkward, in fact. I think we both realized this would be good bye for the night and I'm pretty sure neither of us knew what to do._

_"I just thought I should say good night to you here, you know for privacy." I really didn't want people to know that I was "dating" James Potter just yet. So I went to shake his hand in good bye (no way I was hugging that pile of dung) when Potter tried to pull me in for a kiss! No way Potter, I'm not sharing my first kiss with you!_

_"Not just yet Potter," I finally said before going inside._

_-I'll finish this later. Alice just arrived for breakfast. I could hear her voice a mile away._

_Dear Diary, September 11th, 6th Year (cont.)_

_I spent breakfast filling in Alice. She was cackling with glee at my acting performance which, I must admit, invoked laughter from me too. In a deep 'male' voice, she kept going "PERHAPS I CAN HELP?" with her hands on her hips. I was surprised there was no cape._

_Remus came down with Peter and joined us a little while later. Alice and I quickly changed topics._

_"Ladies," Remus said with a polite smile and nod. Unlike the other Marauders, it wasn't patronizing when Remus did that. I didn't feel put down at all. Peter just kind of nervously sat down with a thump._

_"What's up Remy?" Alice asked, using her name for him. They knew each other from outside of Hogwarts since they lived in the same town._

_Remus finished his toast before speaking. "Nothing much Al. Just thought I'd come see how the latest "it" girlfriend was hold up."_

_I held back a moan. "Still adjusting to my newfound love," I said as Alice tried not to die of laughter._

_Peter's eyes perked up. "You guys are in love?"_

_"I think," I said slowly, "I have loved him since day one."_

_Before Remus could speak Potter sat down next to me with Sirius on his other side, Sirius's hand extended around Mary as Potter began to talk. "Morning Lily flower!"_

_"Morning…er, James dear…" I managed awkwardly. I had to resist hitting my forehead. What a dumb reply. Potter, in his utter stupidity, just beamed. Mary and Alice exchanged glances._

_"I have to get going to Transfiguration," I finally said. "Need to talk to McGonagall about an assignment."_

_"Want me to come with you Lily?"_

_"Oh no, it's fine. You just sat down. Eat breakfast James." I gathered up my belongings and walked out of the Great Hall and straight into a crowd of very angry seventh year Slytherins._

_"Move it Mudblood," one of them said. I was used to it. Tensions are high in the wizarding world and, to be frank, you can't let them all get to you. I heard someone respond from behind me._

_"Shut it. C'mon Evans," interrupted a voice I didn't recognize. Turning around, I saw Frank Longbottom standing there who began to walk away. I followed him._

_We walked in silence for a few minutes. "Thank you Frank," I finally said._

_"No problem. How'd you know my name?"_

_"How couldn't I? Alice ador-" I stopped talking. How dumb am I? I just betrayed my BEST FRIEND!_

_"Alice knows me?" Frank asked._

_I fiddled with my bag strap. "Ya, she knows you. You guys should chat sometime. This is me," I said, tilting my head towards the Transfiguration doorway._

_"I'd talk to her but she's always with Remus," Frank said before walking away._

_Interesting. I'm going to have to tell Alice later. As for now, Transfiguration!_

Dear Lily (MY GIRLFRIEND?), Sept. 11th, Our Sixth Year

We are dating. We are in love. We are happy. You are mine! Hahahaha! I feel such a feeling of conquest! Of victory! I don't even know what to do I'm so happy! Perhaps I should prank Snape! Never mind Lily, honey, dearest sweet pea, you know I wouldn't harm him because of my love for you.

This morning in my dorm the guys put a silencing charm because I was singing so much with joy. I'm over the moon to know that you like me. By the time we reached breakfast, Padfoot took pity on me and lifted the charm.

"Morning Lily flower," I said to you, resisting the urge to kiss you on the cheek. Of course, I would kiss you anywhere. But you shouldn't take it that way. I'm not an inappropriate git.

Sitting next to you (and not getting hurt) is such a nice experience Evans. Really, you should have given me more of a chance in the past few years. I like sitting next to you. Of course, like all good things in life, it was short lived.

"I have to get going to Transfiguration," you said, hopping up quickly. "Need to talk to McGonagall about an assignment."

"Want me to come with you Lily?" I asked you, ever the concerned boyfriend. (BOYFRIEND!)

"Oh no, it's fine. You just sat down. Eat breakfast James." That was nice. I have a girlfriend (GIRLFRIEND!) who is concerned for me too.

Anyways, that left me to finish breakfast with the others. Mary was engaged in a very, er…interesting conversation. As much as I consider Padfoot my brother, not even I can put up listening to him and whatever girl he is dating. It isn't actually a breakfast conversation.

"So Potter," Alice said, "You and Lily?"

"Ya," I said, leaning back and running a hand through my hair, "We're dating."

"WHAT?" shouted Betty Jorkins. Her older sister was Bertha, remember? She graduated before us. "YOU TWO ARE DATING? YOU AND LILY EVANS?"

I was (slightly) humiliated. Really, I was pleased that Hogwarts finally knew. "We only started going out yesterday."

"Are you guys, like, in love?"

Sirius perked his head up. "James has always loved Evans. We all know that." This caused quite a bit of laughter.

"I can't wait to go tell everyone else! They're going to love it! Best gossip ev-ah!"

I grinned. "We're pretty good looking together, right?" I could see Alice raising an eyebrow.

"You're pretty gorgeous Potter."

"I'm already taken Jorkins." She ended up stalking up. Hey, at least she had the latest bit of gossip. About us. About our relationship. BECAUSE WE ARE DATING AND YOU ARE MY GIRLFRIEND YOU ARE MY GIRLFRIEND YOU ARE MY GIRLFRIEND!

Mary, who wasn't taking Transfiguration but rather Muggle Studies, was the only one who didn't accomplish us to class. Alice mostly ignored Padfoot and me but every now and then she gave me a studious sort of look, like she was trying to figure something out. Lily was already seated in Transfiguration and I angrily watched Alice take the only open seat near her. I sat in the back with the other Marauders.

I was in the midst of a great sulking moment until a note landed on my desk. I looked at the little origami lion that was patiently waiting for me to open it before curling up in a ball and lying down. It was a pretty stunning piece of wandwork. I finally opened it up.

_James._

_Sorry I can't be next to you._

_I miss you._

_XOXO_

_; )_

Was this too good to be true? I looked up at you, trying to figure out if you had sent it. You seemed intent on your notes though and it wasn't until I saw the small smile on your face that I knew it was you. I thought it was rather thoughtful that you made it into a lion. I wrote a reply back and was happy to see that the lion turned back into a lion and scurried off to you. Here's what I wrote:

**Lily.**

**Sorry I didn't snatch the seat sooner.**

**Makes me sad.**

**XOXOXO**

**; )**

I'll just record the rest here for now.

_James._

_Sorry I didn't think to save it._

_I feel dumb._

_XOXOXOXO_

_; )_

**Lily.**

**Sorry I didn't walk with you.**

**You aren't dumb.**

**XOXOXOXOXO**

**; )**

_James._

_Sorry I didn't wait._

_Walk me somewhere tonight._

_XOXOXOXOXOXO_

_; )_

**Lily.**

**Sorry I didn't eat faster.**

**I'll walk you anywhere.**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**; )**

_James._

_Sorry I didn't tell you sooner._

_Meet me in the North Tower tonight at midnight._

_I must go now._

_Yours,_

_Lily_

I love how you sign your name with such a big flourish. It's cute. Anyways, I didn't get anything out of Transfiguration today. (Not that I really need too, but that's a story for another time). All I can think about is the two of us in North Tower at midnight. Imagine what that will be like! Imagine what could happen! I didn't want to get my hopes up though. I don't want to expect something I won't get though.

My thoughts and daydreams were finished when Sirius scared me. "Merlin!" I whispered loudly, jumping.

"What was that lion thing with you two?"

"Yes," Remus added, "I would really like to know why Evans isn't paying attention."

"We were having a highly intellectual conversation."

"Can I see it?" Sirius asked.

Peter leaned towards them. "I want to see it too!"

"It pretty much said to meet her tonight."

"Oooh. Where are you meeting?" Sirius asked in an overly high pitched voice.

Peter laughed softly as Remus only snorted, still focused on his notes. "North Tower."

"North Tower? That's a pretty, ah, popular spot for-"

"No Padfoot. Just no."

"Lily would never do that," cut in Remus.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "And how would you know Moony?"

"You can just tell that Lily isn't like that. I think she would take it more seriously. Depending on her Muggle upbringing depends on her views." The four of us all fell into a silence pondering.

"What do you think will happen Prongs?" Peter asked.

"I can tell you what will happen," Sirius said. He is such a git sometimes. "They'll have some fun. Snog a little, a lot. Perhaps even-"

"SIRIUS!" Remus said, aghast at his remark. "Not everyone has the same life as you do."

"Anyways," I said, "I'm nervous."

Padfoot laughed. "Why are you nervous? You have snogged at least half of what I've done, and trust me, that's a lot."

"This is different. This isn't some fling, it's Lily." (Ya, I hope you never read these. It's pretty embarrassing).

"What's so special about Evans?"

"Wormtail," I replied with a groan, "I'm going to marry her."

It was Padfoot's turn to groan. "Prongs, you are SIXTEEN. It isn't going to happen."

"It could." I hope. I wish. I dream. I even pray.

Remus spoke up to defend me. Bloody thankful I have him sometimes. "Look, if Prongs wants to marry her, he can marry her. It isn't our business. It's private."

"When is anything private?"

"Yes Mr. Black, when is anything private when you are talking during Transfiguration class?" Professor McGonagall said loudly.

"Well," Sirius said mischievously, "Evans and Potter seemed to manage to have a very private conversation." I probably looked even more horrified than you did Lily.

"Do tell us Mr. Black."

"They were passing notes."

"May I see the note, whoever has it now?" I could see Lily flushing as I quickly wandered what to do.

"Now."

I took the paper out of the pocket, worried that you would hate me Lily. This could be the end of our relationship. When McGonagall had the paper a stern look crossed her face. "This is a blank piece of parchment. Accio note."

Nothing happened. I had already handed it to her.

"Aparecium. Scarpin's Revelaspell."

Nothing happened.

We were clear.

"Detention, tomorrow night at seven."

I guess not.


	6. Chapter 6

_Dear Diary, September 12th, 6th Year_

_I am too mad. I am insanely mad. I have detention. DETENTION! This is all because of my git of a boyfriend! That makes me even angrier, knowing that when I say that it's true! I am dating James Potter, the world's biggest bloody git ever and he got me into detention! This ruins any chance I have of becoming Head Girl, ever! Dumbledore will never choose someone who passes notes and then lies to the professor about it! My life has gone down the drain! How can I ever get a job? Who would hire me? How can I become an Auror? My life is ruined!_

_Okay, chill out Lily. You can't freak out all the time. We must record the events of what happened for future readers. (Like there will be any…maybe my children though…)_

_When I reached Transfiguration the seat next to me was quickly taken by Alice. "You won't guess what I happened!" I said to her in a whisper even though class had yet to begin._

_"What?" she replied, pulling out a quill and ink, not even bothering to look up._

_"I was talking to Frank Longbottom…"_

_Alice dropped her quill. "What? Details! Right now! Did you talk about me?"_

_"Of course I talked about you Al! Why wouldn't I? You're only in love with the guy!"_

_"I am," Alice said fondly. "How could you not be?"_

_"Maybe because I am 'in love' with Potter?" My laughter couldn't be contained and neither could hers. Luckily, class started so our voices had to lower._

_"What did Frank say about me?"_

_Not even looking up from my notes, I told her that he would talk to her but that she was always with Remus. "I think he believes you two are together."_

_A small frown covered Alice's (slightly) pudgy features. "Oh dear…I will just have to prove him otherwise…"_

_We worked in silence for a little while before she leaned back over. "Lily, you are ignoring Potter, pass him a note."_

_"Why? I'm busy," I hissed back._

_"Put something cute on it. Really toy with him." I decided to do it._

Dear James,

I just can't get you off my mind. My heart is all strung out…it's like you're a drug. I don't care what people say. The rush is worth the price I pay. I've got a sick obsession, I'm seeing it in my dreams. Your love is my drug…

Lily Evans

_That was Alice's attempt. She is so weird._

James,

Whenever I am not with you I feel a piercing sadness through my heart. I ask my dearest to please save me from the emptiness I feel. Without you, I am nothing. With you, I am something more. With or without you, I feel my love growing stronger even as Voldemort grows stronger outside the castle walls. Love shall always conquer evil.

Love,

Lily

_Alice said that was just downright unbelievable. Here is what we compromised with:_

James.

Sorry I can't be next to you.

I miss you.

XOXO

; )

_We decided that this was short and sweet. It was cute and to the point. It would also get Potter's curiosity up since he always loves a mystery. Charms is my best subject so I often take the opportunity to show it off and this was no difference. When McGonagall wasn't looking I pulled out my wand, muttered a few words, and watched as my note turned into a lion and took off to Potter. Then I put my wand away and went back to taking notes. I didn't want to show like I knew what was going on._

_A few minutes later I could feel his hazel eyes on the back of my head. Alice tapped her quill impatiently, as if she was trying to tell me to react. So I did by plastering a fake little smile on my face. It seemed to do the trick because within a few minutes the lion was back._

**Lily.**

**Sorry I didn't snatch the seat sooner.**

**Makes me sad.**

**XOXOXO**

**; )**

_Merlin, what a pig. So stuck up. Added on more hugs and kisses but overall followed my structure of writing. I don't know how Alice refrained the giggles. I don't know how I did._

James.

Sorry I didn't think to save it.

I feel dumb.

XOXOXOXO

; )

**Lily.**

**Sorry I didn't walk with you.**

**You aren't dumb.**

**XOXOXOXOXO**

**; )**

James.

Sorry I didn't wait.

Walk me somewhere tonight.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

; )

**Lily.**

**Sorry I didn't eat faster.**

**I'll walk you anywhere.**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**; )**

_Alice told me that the conversation was dying and that I needed to write something really intriguing. I decided to end the conversation (hey, I need to focus on school; James isn't a real boyfriend) and I had to think of something to really move things along. So here is what I decided to write:_

James.

Sorry I didn't tell you sooner.

Meet me in the North Tower tonight at midnight.

I must go now.

Yours,

Lily

_There was no way he could pass up an opportunity to meet me mysteriously in a tower at night. Of course, I had no clue what I would do once we got there, but it would at least be a brilliant way to toy with him._

_"What should I do once we get there?"_

_Alice pretended to think. "Hmm, I don't know, what could two teenagers do alone in a tower at midnight?"_

_"Shut up," I hissed. "That isn't funny."_

_"I think it is."_

_"Of course you would."_

_"One of use needs to have a sense of humor in today's present troubles."_

_"That isn't funny," I repeated, thinking of Voldemort._

_"It wasn't meant to be."_

_"Yes Mr. Black, when is anything private when you are talking during Transfiguration class?" Professor McGonagall said loudly, interrupting the conversation I was having with Alice. We both glanced at each other; this could be interesting._

_"Well," Sirius said mischievously, "Evans and Potter seemed to have managed to have a very private conversation." My mouth dropped open. There was no way I was being dragged into whatever Black was doing. Potter, too, at least had the courtesy to look equally horrified. I could see Alice biting in fear for me._

_"Do tell us Mr. Black," Professor McGonagall said, looking over at me._

_A smirk appeared on Black's face. "They were passing notes." He leaned his chair back on two legs, crossing his arms in what he hoped was a 'cool' sort of look._

_"May I see the note, whoever has it now?" With perfect timing, a blush crept up into my face._

_McGonagall looked annoyed at the long wait. "Now."_

_James took the note out of his pocket and I quickly pulled out my wand. Our Charms professor has been giving me advanced lessons since I'm so good at Charms so I have already begun learning nonverbal spells. I silently thanked him for doing so because I was able to wipe the parchment clean._

_"This is a blank piece of parchment. Accio note," McGonagall said, lightly waving her wand. Potter was trying to hide a look of shock._

_"Aparecium. Scarpin's Revelaspell," she said, taping the parchment twice._

_When nothing appeared, I allowed myself to slump back into my seat. I thought I had gotten away with it. I thought I was all good._

_That is until Professor McGonagall said we had detention tomorrow night at seven._

_Bloody Potter._

_At the end of class (when McGonagall was finished assigning us a giant essay), I stormed out with my stuff, hair flying. I was furious. Black was in for it for mentioning the note. Potter was in for it for not stopping Black who was in for it for mentioning the note. And Alice was in for it for giving me the idea to write a note to Potter who was in for it for not stopping Black who was in for it for mentioning the note. All in all, I was a pretty angry Gryffindor._

_"Lily! Lily, wait for me!" I could hear Potter calling my name but just kept walking. Unlike me, Potter isn't a prefect. I took the opportunity to use my prefect powers to hide in our bathroom._

_"Minty clean," I said to the statue of Boris the Bewildered. Once inside the doorway I dropped my books and sunk down onto the floor. Yes, I was over reacting and yes, I run away a lot. So what? I can't be a Gryffindor all the time. Perhaps I really should have been a Slytherin or something._

_I was thankful that my next class was a free period so after enjoying a nice bath and ridding my mind of Potter, I took off for my next class, History of Magic. Alice was already sitting in our usual seats towards the windows while the Marauders were in the back, fully prepared to goof off._

_At first I wondered if I should sit with Alice or sit by myself. Then I realized that I was just acting incredibly immature about this whole thing. She's my best friend-what am I doing? Ever since this whole "break-Potter's-heart" thing I have gone completely insane. Obviously trying to destroy someone really messes with your mind._

_"Listen Alice," I said, setting my bags down on the desk, "I'm really sorry about earlier. I can be so dumb sometimes. Forgive me?"_

_Alice's round face turned to face me. I was nervous, unsure of how she would react. "What type of friend would I be if I didn't?" she replied, a large smile breaking on her face. In a rare moment of affection, I squeezed her into a hug. Sometimes I feel guilty that I have such great friends when I can be such a horrible person. "Detention won't be too bad Lily. It might even be fun if you're with Potter. Just think, this could work perfectly into your plan."_

_"Speaking of plan," I said as I sat down next to her, "What is my plan for tonight?"_

_Alice fidgeted with her quill, thinking. I let her think as I took the notes for class. Professor Binns is the most boring professor I have ever had but, nonetheless, I still must pay attention. Even if I'll never use History of Magic I would still like to pass my N.E.W.T.!_

_"Well Lily, because I know how much you want everything planned out for the rest of your life, I know my answer is really going to frustrate you. What I'm going to say is just go with it. At least give him a kiss on the cheek or a hug or something," Alice continued, her plump face staring at me in concern. "I know how much you want a plan and structure but making someone fall in love with you probably doesn't work too much like that." Crumpling a piece of parchment in frustration, Alice continued with the speech that she had obviously been thinking about for a while now. "I should know, I've been trying to get Frank to fall for me for the longest time. I've tried everything, everything, so that we could be together. Unfortunately, it seems as if one of my closest friends is keeping us apart."_

_We both looked over at Remus who was seated with the other Marauders. Remus was casually taking notes, only jotting down what he considered to be important. Sirius was taking a nap (which was the only reason for taking the class, in his opinion) and James was, well, he was staring at me. His face turned away as it turned red. I glanced over at Alice, my eyes going wide._

_"Does he always do that?"_

_"Stare at you? Yes. I thought you knew that."_

_"I mean, I knew he would stare at me sometimes but I didn't know it was all the time!"_

_Alice rolled her eyes. "If only I could be half as pretty as you. Guys stare all the time at you."_

_I gave Alice a sideways glance. "Are you kidding? I'm that 'know-it-all' that 'never shuts up.' I'm a 'filthy Mudblood who doesn't know her place.' I'm-"_

_"LILY! SHUT UP!"_

_The whole class turned to see James Potter standing up, fists clenched in anger. Even Professor Binns stopped speaking. I haven't heard of many people who interrupt his class._

_"Pitherby? What is all this nonsense?" We ignored the ghost._

_"James," I said almost tentatively, "are you alright? You should sit down you know. Do you want to get us into another detention?"_

_"Oh, because I was the one who started that note," he replied, rolling his eyes._

_I furiously stood up. "Potter, why are you yelling?"_

_"Edinburgh? Do sit down." Once again, Professor Binns was ignored._

_"I was yelling, Evans, because I was sick of listening to you talk down about yourself."_

_"Then could you have brought it up after class? Some of us actually pay attention, you know." Professor Binns had a look of surprise on his face from hearing that people paid attention in his class._

_"No, I couldn't have 'brought it up after class.' You would probably still be ignoring me then."_

_I rolled my eyes, glancing over at Alice. "If you had any common sense Potter you know I wouldn't be ignoring you. I'm dating you."_

_There, I had said it. It was out in the open. The class broke into whispers from those who did not yet know that Lily Evans had finally given into the infamous James Potter, hottest bloke in the school, best flyer, wittiest prankster. (Not that I believe he is any of those. On the contrary, I think he is an arrogant toerag.)_

_James opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. He didn't quite know how to react to my statement and neither did the rest of the class. Finally Sirius began applauding and the class soon followed suit. Turning red, I sat back down and picked up my quill. "Can we get on with the lecture Professor?"_

_My question was cut short by the bell. James, who was still standing, continued to stand there in shock. I put my stuff away, gave Alice a look to let me handle this, and walked over to James. "Well, do you plan on coming to lunch?"_

_"Can I hold your hand?" Potter asked, that unmovable smirk plastered, once again, on his face._

_I frowned. "Why do you need to?"_

_"Because I'm your boyfriend and that's what I want to do." With that, we were off to lunch. Together. Holding hands._

_If I can barely hold hands with the git, how can I kiss him? Ugh…breaking heart is hard work…_

_I'll write more after this whole meeting thing tomorrow. As for now, I must prep to kiss!_

Dear Lily, Sept. 10th, Our Sixth Year

"Lily! Lily, wait for me!" Running after you has become quite the habit. Really, could you just chill out, just for a little while?

I never found you. I guess that is okay, we needed to cool off I suppose. Well, you did. You are immature. During this time I moped around in the library and got to work on the Transfiguration assignment McGonagall had given us today.

When I got to History of Magic, my next class with my beautiful girlfriend, I took my normal seat with the guys. History of Magic is a joke of a class. We have this dead guy floating around trying to stuff information about more dead guys into our heads. Ya, it makes no sense. I was thinking about just how ironic the whole thing was during class when my attention zoned back into Lily. She was the one thing I really liked about the class. Lily was always really intent on taking notes for the class so she would get a cute expression I have always enjoyed upon her fair face.

"Does he always do that?" Huh, was your voice speaking? I fixed my attention more fully on you and tried to figure out what you and Alice were talking about.

"Stare at you?" Alice said, looking vaguely surprised. "Yes. I thought you knew that."

"I mean, I knew he would stare at me sometimes but I didn't know it was all the time!" Wait, you're talking about me! My eyes widened as I realized what I had just stumbled upon. Maybe I could have learned something good.

Alice rolled her eyes. "If only I could be half as pretty as you. Guys stare all the time at you." WHAT GUYS? THERE ARE OTHERS? I NEED NAMES! NOTE: SPEAK TO ALICE ABOUT LILY'S OTHER ADMIRERES.

"Are you kidding? I'm that 'know-it-all' that 'never shuts up.' I'm a 'filthy Mudblood who doesn't know her place.' I'm-"

I couldn't take it anymore. I really couldn't take it. I hate girls, especially Lily, who talk down about themselves. I finally stood up, fists clenched, not even thinking about consequences. "LILY! SHUT UP!"

You should have seen how wide your eyes became before they narrowed into some sort of fury. At least, I thought it was fury. Maybe it was just embarrassment.

"Pitherby? What is all this nonsense?" asked Professor Binns.

"James," you finally said, "are you alright? You should sit down you know. Do you want to get us into another detention?" It was my fault we had detention? YOU STARTED THE NOTE!

"Oh, because I was the one who started that note." I even rolled my eyes Lily style.

Lily now stood up. "Potter, why are you yelling?"

"Edinburgh? Do sit down." Why does Binns even speak?

"I was yelling, Evans, because I was sick of listening to you talk down about yourself." Once again, it's one of my pet peeves.

"Then could you have brought it up after class? Some of us actually pay attention, you know." Of course you suck up to the professor. Smooth.

"No, I couldn't have 'brought it up after class.' You would probably still be ignoring me then."

WHY DO YOU ROLL YOUR EYES SO MUCH? "If you had any common sense Potter you know I wouldn't be ignoring you. I'm dating you."

I couldn't believe it. You had just admitted to the world that we were dating. Like a dumb git, I opened my mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. I wasn't quite sure what I was supposed to do. Padfoot began applauding and Lily went back to sucking up to the teacher. "Can we get on with the lecture Professor?"

After what seemed liked centuries, the bell finally rang. Lily walked over to me because I guess I was still standing there like some Slytherin git in the face of danger. "Well, do you plan on coming to lunch?"

"Can I hold your hand?"

"Why do you need to?"

"Because I'm your boyfriend and that's what I want to do." I'm the man in this relationship and right now I'm going to act like one. If I want to hold your bloody hand, I will hold your bloody beautiful hand.

The rest of the day went by relatively slowly, for me anyways. I was just so excited for midnight! Nothing really happened the rest of the day (except for Wormtail setting off a dungbomb in the dungeons) so I'll just skip ahead to 11:30 P.M.

I was in my dorm with the Marauders. Well, except for Wormtail. He had detention because of the previously mentioned dungbomb incident. Moony was reading while Padfoot watched me pace.

"Do I look alright?"

"You look fine."

"What if she doesn't like what I'm wearing?" I had put on Muggle clothes for my night excursions. Just some jeans and my Quidditch shirt.

"Prongs," Padfoot said, "I'm your mate, not your date. I'm not a girl. I have no preference towards what you wear."

"Whatever Pads. I'm going now anyways."

"James?" Moony said, looking up from his book. I knew this would be serious, he had used my first name.

"Ya?"

"Don't screw this up."

"Thanks." I felt my nerves rise as he said this. With a wave, I grabbed the cloak and the Map, opened the door, and left for my excursion.

The halls were rather empty. I only had to avoid Peeves and Slughorn, the second of whom appeared to be coming back from a trip to the Greenhouses. When I finally reached the tower, you were standing near a window, looking out at the night. I instinctively looked at the moon; it was getting close to that time.

"Lily?" You jumped. I probably should have taken off my Invisibility Cloak.

"Sorry I scared you," I said as I reappeared to the world.

"You have an Invisibility Cloak? That's amazing! Where did you get it?"

I shuffled my feet. This question always kind of made me uncomfortable. "My family is one of those ancient pureblood ones. We, ah, are quite well off."

"Oh, wow. My family…well, we aren't. We aren't pureblood, obviously, and we aren't exactly well to do."

"Do you want to sit down?" Lily motioned to a blanket on the ground. "I went ahead and conjured one. The food I brought up from the kitchens."

"You know where the kitchens are?" I was a little surprised. She's a bit of a goody two shoes.

"I like food just as much as the next person. Besides, what type of party would it be if we had no food?"

"You have parties?"

"Well, they aren't your type of parties. The girls like to have fun every now and then though."

I sat down on the blanket, pulling Lily down next to me. "You seem to like picnics."

Lily began pulling out food as she spoke. "They remind me a lot of home. That's the one thing I don't get about the wizarding world. I don't understand how they send off their kids for so long. I still get homesick a good bit. I mean, you're eleven and you're leaving away from your parents. Kind of a harsh reality, in my opinion." I was a little surprised how much you opened up to me.

"Personally, I'm happy to be here. Wizarding kids have to hide a lot of who they are. It's nice to be able to free about your family, about what you like, about your friends. You don't have to hide yourself."

You sat quietly for a little while as we both ate. I guess you were taking in the information. I leaned back and put my arm around your back. You leaned into me. After all these years, I couldn't believe that a beautiful person like you was happy to be with me.

It was perfect, the moon, the girl, the blanket, the setting. Everything. I just knew that I was going to kiss Lily Evans tonight.

"Keep up!" a voice hissed from the hallway. I recognized the voice. It was Avery.

"Lily, get under my cloak with me and against the wall," I whispered, pulling her up and covering her. She used her wand to hide our mess, and just in the nick of time at that. Soon enough, the Slytherins had arrived.

Damian Avery and Ragnor Mulciber were the first two through the doorway. You were so tense Lily. I can understand why; you're good friends with Mary MacDonald. After what they did to her, it's no wonder that you freeze around them. Regulas Black, Padfoot's disgusting brother, Severus Snape, and a levitating box. This could not be good.

Avery appeared to be in charge. "You know what we have to do." The Slytherins were gathered in a circle around the levitating box, looking at with a mixture of excitement, reverence, and, from Snivellus, worry. "Since I'm the only one old enough to officially be part of the organization, I am in charge of this operation." Well, I guess that corresponds to my earlier statement. Avery didn't just appear to be in charge, he was. It also gave me another question: what organization? He couldn't mean...could he?

Using his wand, Mulciber opened the box. He was, and always had been, Avery's right hand man, if you can call him a man. I felt you grip my hand even tighter although I don't quite understand how that was possible. You already had turned it white.

We both expected weapons, poisons, potions, Dark creatures, Dark artifacts, anything illegal really. I didn't expect what came out of it. They were just what appeared to be fliers. The Slytherins began pulling them out.

That was when we got a good look at the papers. I don't think we could read what was actually on them. It looked to me as if it were a list of potion ingredients. Regulas spoke up. "Ah, the list of Mudblood and blood traitors at Hogwarts along with the letter." It was mostly Gryffindors under "blood traitors" while all Muggle borns were from every House (except for Slytherin, of course).

The lists were on the back, it turned out. Avery was too stupid to have the box the right way. On the back was a letter. We couldn't read that either-it appeared to be a bunch of doodles. Mulciber began reading it out loud though.

_"Ah, Slytherins, the house of my forefather, how proud I am of you. You, the chosen race. You, the purest of our world. You, the deciding factors of our futures. It is now that I give you your call to duty. Many of you are, of yet, too young to become a part of my following, known to you as Death Eaters. The task I give you now will prove your worth for when you are finally able to join the ranks of victory. Take this list and use it well. Use it to coordinate attacks. Use it to spread fear. Use it to control panic. People view Hogwarts as safe but it will not be much longer, as least for Mudbloods anyway. When a line appears through a name, it will represent the attack of the person. Go forth now and complete your mission. I speak for all Death Eaters when I say we are fascinated to see what you shall think to do. The Dark Lord." _Mulciber put the handout back in the box reverently.

"What if a professor sees it?" Regulas asked, rubbing his arm in contemplation.

Avery began to grin. "The Death Eaters took care of it. It's charmed to only be read by Slytherin students." This was terrible. I wanted to do something to stop this from happening but I was afraid to risk you getting hurt Lily. Yes, we had surprise on our side but we were outnumbered two to one. It didn't help that they were all proficient in the Dark Arts for such a young age.

I tugged on your hand, pointing to the door. You shook your head, a red strand of hair falling into your face. You motioned towards the box. I shook my head again, mouthing to you that it was too dangerous. I think you understood since you nodded. We moved softly to the door.

Too exhausted to finish the letter. I'll finish it tomorrow morning. I'm going to bed.

Good night Lily,

James

PS-Perhaps you can better explain to me why someone like Snape kept so silent during this whole thing.

* * *

**Well, I am sorry it took so long to get that out. I was really, really, really, really blocked up. It started out as a filler, then there was drama, and then I thought of that cliffhanger. It felt like someone opened the floodgates all at once and I just couldn't stop them from rolling in! So, ya, this is a weird chapter and I'll understand if you guys hate it. Of course, I won't know unless you review, so maybe I'll post faster if you review...**


	7. Chapter 7

To my readers:

I **sincerely** apologize for not having updated in nearly a year. A **lot** has occurred in my life. I suddenly logged on to the site, saw the number of people who read this story, and promptly decided to finish it. I hope the quality of writing as improved since last September because I feel like I have been working on it. There are a lot of things that I am disappointed with in the previous chapters but I will just keep trucking along. **Forgive me forgive me forgive me!** I really hope you enjoy this chapter. It made me emotional! Of course, I suddenly realized how I connected so clearly with Lily and James but I'll save that for another chapter.

Cheers!

Emma

* * *

_Dear Diary, September 13th, Sixth Year_

_It would seem oddly appropriate that today is Friday the 13th after all the horrible things that occurred at the start of it. Which was midnight, my diary, when I was sneaking about with Potter. Perhaps I should come with a code name for him so that Alice and I may continue talking about him even when there are others within earshot._

_Anyways, THAT IS NOT IMPORTANT. No no no no! Much more important things have occurred! It's terrible and the worst part is, there's nothing we can do! There's no evidence and the witnesses (us!) were breaking school rules! Even though Dumbledore is an unusually fantastic man, there is no way he would ever believe us. There's no way I would believe us if I were him. Besides, if you looked at me now, I appeared to be losing my mind with this whole dating-the-boy-I've-hated-forever-just-to-break-his-heart-and-make-him-leave-me-alone-forever deal. I wonder if Muggles struggle this much with guys or if it's some wizarding curse._

_Let me explain. I left off abruptly. Early in the evening, Alice and I journeyed to the kitchens. I needed food for the meeting I was having with my "boyfriend" and, unfortunately for Alice, she is an emotional eater and was currently struggling with the Remus and Frank situation._

_"Do you think I should talk to Frank?" Alice asked quietly while we waited for our food. The House Elves here are so kind, future child of mine. I insist you take advantage of their HEALTHY options like any good future mother. "I mean, I doubt he has even noticed me except as that girl who follows the famous Lily Evans around."_

_"Don't say that Al! It isn't true! You don't follow me, we're friends! I'm not famous, I just have a leech who won't let me alone! Honestly, if you had a Hungarian Horntail following you everywhere, people would notice."_

_"Are you sure? I don't know Lily…"_

_I rolled my eyes before giving her a smile. Not the fake ones I give Potter, but a genuine smile. "I think you should. It never hurts to try and he'd have to be bloody stupid not to go out with you at least once."_

_Just then one of the Elves handed us two packages of food. Alice took hers before wrapping me awkwardly into a hug. Not an awkward hug because we aren't close but because we were trying to hold packages of food. "Thanks Lily. You always know just what to say." The glint returning to her eyes, she added, "And I hope you say the right things tonight."_

_"Alice…"I moaned, holding the portrait open for her. "I really don't want to kiss him! It's You-Know-Who!"_

_"You're dating the He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?"_

_"ALICE! That isn't funny at all!" My idea about code names does seem quite relevant now… "Anyways, kisses are special. You don't just kiss whoever. You save them so that when they are given out they were always worth giving to someone who was worth the wait. If that makes sense."_

_"Lily, really, I'm not asking you to do this for yourself. I'm asking you to do this for me so I don't have to put up with Potter anymore," Alice joked. It was fine though; I understood perfectly what she was saying. Alice would never encourage me to do something that I didn't want to do, something that would make me feel uncomfortable. That's why we're friends. "Now stop being so affectionate and mellow and soft! Get your butt up to that Tower and await your boyfriend!"_

_"Please Alice, refer to him by his proper title. Lord Toerag, Spawn of the Dung Heap. It is much more fitting."_

_A few minutes later, I found myself staring out the window of the Tower. Not a cloud was in the sky and my eyes were instantly drawn to the nearly-full moon. Below, the lake was still and a light breeze rustled the trees of the Forbidden Forest._

_The tranquility was quickly broken by Potter. "Lily?" he croaked, his voice scaring me half to death. I jumped! I must have looked ridiculous. Of course, it's perfectly fine that I jumped since the noise came from thin air. "Sorry I scared you," he said, stepping out of nothing calmly._

_"You have an Invisibility Cloak? That's amazing! Where did you get it?" Good going Lily. Now Potter is going to think I want to talk to him. I just drag myself into his swamp._

_Potter looked kind of uncomfortable. He finally mumbled out that his family is "one of those ancient pureblood ones" and that they "are quite well off." I knew that Potter was rich (it's one of those things that's hard to notice) but I didn't realize he had some great bloodline. I mean, you know I don't know much about the families in the wizarding world._

_"Oh, wow. My family…well, we aren't. We aren't pureblood, obviously, and we aren't exactly well to do." I regret telling Potter that. I'll probably just get lots of pity presents from him now, really idiotic things too. So the best move is to change the subject, obviously. "Do you want to sit down? I went ahead and conjured one. The food I brought up from the kitchens."_

_The look on the git's face was so condescending. "You know where the kitchens are?" How stupid does the boy think I am?_

_"I like food just as much as the next person. Besides, what type of party would it be if we had no food?"_

_"You have parties?" He really does not know when to keep his mouth shut._

_"Well, they aren't your type of parties. The girls like to have fun every now and then though."_

_Potter then pulled me down to sit with him on the blanket. If it had been anyone else, it would have been romantic. Being Potter, it was creepy. "You seem to like picnics."_

_"They remind me a lot of home. That's the one thing I don't get about the wizarding world. I don't understand how they send off their kids for so long. I still get homesick a good bit. I mean, you're eleven and you're leaving away from your parents. Kind of a harsh reality, in my opinion." Once again, a little more than I probably should have said. What I didn't tell him was that picnics reminded me of the times when Petunia and I got along, that I thought they were absolutely more romantic thing in the entire world, and that I'm not very creative with the whole dating thing, not having too much experience._

_Potter munched on some grapes before speaking. "Personally, I'm happy to be here. Wizarding kids have to hide a lot of who they are. It's nice to be able to be free about your family, about you like, about your friends. You don't have to hide yourself."_

_I had never thought of it that way before but I knew what it was like too. Wizards have to hide our lifestyles so that Muggles don't find out. I just assumed that purebloods didn't have to worry about it as much, as if they lived in a Wizard-only world. As I was pondering these developments Potter put his arm around me (Alice would be proud, I didn't jump) and even LEANED INTO him. I was allowing him to support my weight. The whole moment-well, his moment, it was just an average day for me-all came to an end when I heard Damian Avery's voice._

_"Keep up!"_

_James pulled me up. "Lily, get under my cloak with me and against the wall," he said, tossing the cloak over me. I quickly flicked my wand and cleared up our belongings; they couldn't know we were there._

_Besides Avery, Ragnor Mulciber, Regulas Black (Sirius's younger brother), and Snape were with them. A box floated in behind them. I didn't know what to think first. I felt myself tighten up seeing Mulciber. He attacked Mary last year after exams. I don't understand why he was allowed back into Hogwarts and I know that Mary doesn't try to let it bother her, but she's definitely changed since the attack._

_Seeing Snape was also terrible. After what he did to me I knew he wasn't who he once was, but still, it hurt me to see him with this crowd. Potter probably was furious to see Regulas since he's so cruel to Sirius, at least from what I've heard. All in all, it was a very nerve-racking situation._

_To me, it looked like Avery was in charge. They were all standing around and staring at the box when he said "You know what we have to do. Since I'm the only one old enough to officially be part of the organization, I am in charge of this operation."_

_First: What was in the box?_

_Second: Why did Snape look so nervous?_

_Third: What do they have to do?_

_Fourth: WHAT ORGANIZATION?_

_Mulciber opened the box. I continued to squeeze Potter's hand, not completely sure if I was feeling more nervous, scared, or disgusted. I wasn't quite sure what to expect diary. All thoughts of destroying the heart of James Potter had left my mind. I just wanted to know that there wasn't something terribly evil in there, that there wasn't something dangerous, that they couldn't detect us._

_My first question was answered. In the box there were stacks of papers. They were all backwards though because Avery has less brain cells than a flobberworm and didn't turn the box the right way. It was further answered when Black ogled "the list of Mudblood and Blood Traitors at Hogwarts along with the letter." I assumed it was mostly Gryffindors under Blood Traitors and that there were a great number of Muggle Borns on there too._

_Mulciber started to read. "Ah, Slytherins, the house of my forefather, how proud I am of you. You, the chosen race. You, the purest of our world. You, the deciding factors of our futures. It is now that I give you your call to duty. Many of you are, of yet, too young to become a part of my following, known to you as Death Eaters. The task I give you now will prove your worth for when you are finally able to join the ranks of victory. Take this list and use it well. Use it to coordinate attacks. Use it to spread fear. Use it to control panic. People view Hogwarts as safe but it will not be much longer, as least for Mudbloods anyway. When a line appears through a name, it will represent the attack of the person. Go forth now and complete your mission. I speak for all Death Eaters when I say we are fascinated to see what you shall think to do. The Dark Lord." Mulciber put the handout back in the box reverently._

_My final three questions were answered. Why did Snape look so nervous? Snape was nervous because he was finally becoming a member of the Dark Arts. It would be the final turning point for him. There would be no coming back. He is now and forever shall be a Dark wizard._

_What did they have to do? Attack fellow students._

_What organization? The Death Eaters. You-Know-Who's followers. The worst of the worst of the worst. I just…words cannot even express how I feel that Snape is joining them. Oh Merlin, I'm crying. I didn't think I could cry anymore over him. You would think that after the way he treated me I would be able not to care but I just can't. I still see my childhood friend. And I still hope every day that he goes back to being who he once was-who he truly is._

_"What if a professor sees it?" Regulas asked, rubbing his arm in contemplation._

_Avery responded quickly, a lopsided smile spreading across his face. "The Death Eaters took care of it. It's charmed to only be read by Slytherin students."_

_I wanted nothing more to use my wand to duel them. I wanted nothing more than to watch colors fly across the Tower and take them down one by one. I wanted nothing more than to save the innocent victims those papers would bring. Potter tugged on my hand though and pointed towards the door, drawing me away from my violent thoughts and my suddenly overwhelming emotions._

_I did try to fight that though. I shook my head and motioned towards the box. You mouthed that it was too dangerous. I gave a slight nod, understanding but not exactly caring. I think we could have taken them. Slowly and quietly, we made our way to the door._

_We scurried down the steps and once we were a few flights away we broke into a dead run. It was an unspoken instinct. It wasn't until we were safely in the Common Room that we began to panic. Well, I panicked. It was shocking to see James remain so calm. I always imagined he didn't care about these things. I suppose I was wrong._

_"JAMES! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT YOU-KNOW-WHO! IT WAS REALLY HAPPENING!" I exclaimed, waving my arms around wildly._

_"Lily, Lily! Calm down! Lower your voice, we don't want to wake the whole castle!" Potter reached out and placed a hand on my shoulder, bringing me back to the present. It also was a slight reminder that I'm attempting to break his heart._

_Lowering my voice, I continued on. "I just can't believe it. That's huge! We have nothing to prove it either!"_

_"Of course we can prove it, we were there."_  
_"We were out-of-bounds after curfew. It wouldn't do any good."_

_"Oh. What if we got a paper?"_

_"We wouldn't be able to read it, remember? Only Slytherins can see it." Potter began pacing the room as I nervously tapped my wand against my hand. It was early in the morning now and I could feel a yawn pushing through against my will._

_Potter smiled. "Perhaps we can deal with this a little later? After we've had time to rest and think?"_

_"That sounds smart. I need the sleep. Obviously I'm a little over emotional." A weak smile seemed to plant itself on my face. (I like that phrase on a side note, diary. I like the sound of a 'weak smile.' Not the thought of one-they're so depressing-but the words. They just sound poetic.) I plopped down into the couch across from the smoldering embers of the fire._

_Potter sat down next to me. "It's okay Lily, any person would be a 'little over emotional' in your place. I'm a guy, we just naturally hold in emotions."_

_"It's not like it matters to you anyways," I muttered, believing it to be true. He's a pureblood. It's not like this was going to hurt him._

_"Are you kidding me?" he asked, pulling away to better look at me. "I'm a Blood traitor! We're just as terrible in their eyes!"_

_"But they wouldn't want to kill off such 'precious pureblood' in these times!" I snapped back._

_"Sometimes Lily, I just don't get you. It's a commonly known fact that you're one of the brightest witches of our age but you don't really seem to see the obvious. This war hits everyone. It hits my family just as hard as it will hit yours."_

_"How so?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me._

_Potter leaned back again, not so concerned anymore by my apparent stupidity. "We've gotten a lot of hate from being sympathetic towards Muggles. I guess you could call our circle 'high society' and my mum's an event planner for that circle. She's lost a lot of business because of our views."_

_"Your family is wealthy though. Why would the money matter?"_

_"It isn't the money," he said, bitterly laughing. "It's the fact that something as stupid as blood-something we all need and have-can tear us apart. It's the fact that my mum has to give up something she loves because she doesn't believe in blood purity."_  
_"What about your father?" I found myself posing another question. Do I not realize that the more I know the harder it will be to break his heart? Or do I like making myself feel terrible?_

_"My dad is an Auror. Therefore, he's pretty hated in general by purebloods. It also means that he's constantly in danger."_

_"But isn't your dad older? Why would they put him in the line of fire?"_

_"He is older but he's the head of many Aurors. He organizes what they do so the final decisions are all his choices. People blame him for what happens." Potter paused, lighting nudging my chin up so that he made eye contact. "And you know what? It scares me every day to think that something could happen to him."_

_"James…I never meant…I never meant to say what I did. I just wasn't thinking straight. Please forgive me."_

_"Of course I'll forgive you." Reading what we said makes me feel sick. Not sick because I'm breaking his heart, sick because the words are being disturbingly miss used._

_Cautiously, I hugged Potter. Yes, I wrote that. I, Lily Evans, hugged James Potter. Not a light-and-fluffy hug either but a genuine hug. It seemed only natural to leave my head on his chest._

_I didn't mean that the way you just read it._

_I meant it felt physically natural. Like, why move my head when I'm so tired and his chest was warm? You can't really blame me for falling asleep there._

_Potter must have been writing later on in the night. I could have sworn I woke up to see him scribbling away on a piece of parchment._

_Waking up this morning was terrible. I was awoken by the sounds of a group of fourth years heading to breakfast early. They seemed pretty shocked to see us there. The second year behind them turned bright red. I guess it did look rather bad, the two of us sleeping on the couch. Oh well, who cares? I am his girlfriend._

_I'll write more after detention this evening. As for now, I have Ancient Runes to look forward to._

Lily Evans

Dear Lily, The Beautiful Girl Asleep Next to Me, Sept. 13th, Our Sixth Year

After that incident in the North Tower, you and I ran back to the Common Room. And I mean RAN. I had no clue you were that fast! I'm pretty in-shape with Quidditch and everything but it was like you were being chased by a Hungarian Horntail!

You really kept your cool when we finally spoke again. I mean really Lily, who knew how calm you were in the face of possible future danger. "JAMES! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT YOU-KNOW-WHO! IT WAS REALLY HAPPENING!" Oh, whoops, let me take that back. You were yelling and everything!

"Lily, Lily! Calm down! Lower your voice, we don't want to wake the whole castle!" I reached out and put a hand on your shoulder. I didn't want her to wake people up and cause them to panic more. I didn't want her to drag more than need be into what we had just discovered.

Your voice did drop. "I just can't believe it. That's huge! We have nothing to prove it either!"

I confidently shook my head. "Of course we can prove it, we were there."

"We were out-of-bounds after curfew. It wouldn't do any good."

"Oh. What if we got a paper?" I suggested.

"We wouldn't be able to read it, remember? Only Slytherins can see it." I began to pace the room. I didn't realize how stupid my ideas could be sometimes. Perhaps I should take it back about mocking your inability to remain calm. You seemed to be thinking straighter than I was. (Also, I thought it was cute how you fidgeted with your wand. You keep tapping it in the palm of your hand).

I tried to smile for her. "Perhaps we can deal with this a little later? After we've had time to rest and think?" Another thing my mum says is that rest really helps clear the mind. She must think I have a lot of mind clearing to do since she's got me writing these letters and sleeping.

"That sounds smart. I need the sleep. Obviously I'm a little over emotional." You smiled a small smile (just as beautiful as any other of your smiles, of course) and sat down on the couch. This surprised me a little. I thought we had just decided to go up to our dorms and sleep…

What could I do though? Sit down next to you, of course! So I did just that. "It's okay Lily, any person would be a 'little over emotional' in your place. I'm a guy, we just naturally hold in emotions."

"It's not like it matters to you anyways," you said under your breath. I was startled, truly startled. I was also very annoyed. You obviously know as little about me as you accuse me of knowing about you.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked, pulling away from you so that I could see your face better. "I'm a Blood traitor! We're just as terrible in their eyes!"

"But they wouldn't want to kill off such 'precious pureblood' in these times!" you snapped back.

"Sometimes Lily, I just don't get you. It's a commonly known fact that you're one of the brightest witches of our age but you don't really seem to see the obvious. This war hits everyone. It hits my family just as hard as it will hit yours."

"How so?"

I leaned back into the couch, trying to figure out how to explain this without sounding like a snot. "We've gotten a lot of hate from being sympathetic towards Muggles. I guess you could call our circle 'high society' and my mum's an event planner for that circle. She's lost a lot of business because of our views."

"Your family is wealthy though. Why would the money matter?" I just…I just don't get you! As I record the conversation we shared, I still find myself wanting to angrily shake you until you understand.

"It isn't the money," I replied, laughing awkwardly. "It's the fact that something as stupid as blood-something we all need and have-can tear us apart. It's the fact that my mum has to give up something she loves because she doesn't believe in blood purity." The words didn't sound quite right coming out of my mouth, like they didn't do my thoughts justice, but it was the best I could come up with.

"What about your father?" you questioned.

"My dad is an Auror. Therefore, he's pretty hated in general by purebloods. It also means that he's constantly in danger."

"But isn't your dad older? Why would they put him in the line of fire?"

"He is older but he's the head of many Aurors. He organizes what they do so the final decisions are all his choices. People blame him for what happens." You had turned your head down again, thoughtfully pulling a loose thread on the couch. I reached out and cupped your chin in my hand, pulling it up so that we were looking in each other's eyes. Girls like gazing in their boyfriend's eyes, right? "And you know what? It scares me every day to think that something could happen to him."

"James…I never meant…I never meant to say what I did. I just wasn't thinking straight. Please forgive me." The words unglued themselves from your mouth as you looked at me. It almost seemed like you were sizing me up, apprising the situation to see what the clear choice of action was.

"Of course I'll forgive you." I would forgive anything you do Lily because there's nothing you could do that would make me angry.

That's when it happened. That's when my life changed. When I close my eyes I can imagine it perfectly. I can see it clearly. I know exactly what is about to happen.

You began to lean forward, scooting closer to me on the couch until our legs touched. Your upper body tilted forward and a strand of hair fluttered in-between us. I saw your arms move up, like you were going to grab something. Were you going to grab me? I thought perhaps you were going to grab something behind me.

But you did grab me!

You pulled yourself in closer to me!

Your arms were around me!

I placed my arms around you, lightly at first, but finally deciding it was perfectly acceptable for me to pull in you tight.

Your head felt like it belonged right there on my chest. It was just the right amount of weight. It made me realize how pretty your hair is and that is smells really good too.

It didn't take long for you to fall asleep, my lovely dearest. I adjusted you slightly so I could write yesterday's letter then I feel asleep with you.

We woke up in the morning from some fourth years. I didn't really care. A second year looked pretty startled to see us too but, once again, I didn't care.

I had gotten a **hug** from Lily.

Lily had **hugged** me.

My girlfriend **hugged** me.

MY GIRLFRIEND LILY EVANS **HUGGED** ME.

The two of us split up to get ready in the morning. The guys wanted to know what happened so I quickly filled them in on the North Tower drama. I left out how we had fallen to sleep on the couch. That was something special and I wasn't quite ready to share it with the world.

Padfoot was furious when I told him that Regulas was involved. He stormed around the dorm and smashed belongings. Moony followed him to fix everything. What would we do without Moony? It's like having a mum in the dorm.

Speaking of Moony, he was pretty calm about the whole thing. It might just be due to the fact that tomorrow night is the first full moon of the school year. Those always make him a little nervous.

Wormtail just kind of whimpered pathetically, like he didn't know what to think. I don't blame him; I was scared out of my mind for everyone!

After a group discussion it was decided that we would meet with the girls (that being you and your crowd) in the Room of Requirement during lunch hour. We thought it would be good for us to formulate a plan of action.

I mentioned it to you at breakfast. You glanced at Alice and Mary before nodding. "You guys will grab food from the kitchen though?"

"Ya, don't worry about that."

You paused before taking another bite of your breakfast. "I don't want to talk about it anymore this morning. Just keep an eye open for now and we'll decide everything later."

I nodded in agreement. We split up and didn't meet again until lunch time. Padfoot and I had run down to grab food while Moony and Wormtail were meeting you directly in the Room.

When we walked in, everyone was seated around an oval table. The room was pretty sparse. You sat next to Alice so that I could take the empty seat on your other side. Mary was next to Alice also and Padfoot sat down next to her. Wormtail and Remus were next until it was back to me.

After taking a moment to eat, we quickly got down to business. "I assume that everyone knows the full details?" you asked, your voice taking on the same tone you use when performing prefect duties. The group all nodded. "I think the best thing to do is to keep an eye out for trouble. Don't let lower years move around without someone older watching them."

"I like the idea," Padfoot said, "But I don't see how we can watch everyone in the castle."

"We're going to have to get others involved," Alice pointed out. "Everyone should talk to the people they trust, especially if they have connections in other Houses. The most important thing though is to keep this away from the ears of the Slytherins."

"And what do we tell people?" Mary asked. "If we can't explain the mysterious papers, how are they going to believe us?"

You shuffled nervously in your seat. "After discussing the idea with Remus, I think our best option is to lie. It's terribly shady, I know, but it seems like the only thing we can do. Say that the prefects received an anonymous tip-off and that the professors wanted us to assign others to help. We're going to say that the professors didn't want it brought up so that those involved with the Dark activities would know what was going on."

"Smart move Evans," I chirped in, rubbing your back affectionately. You smiled at me before giving your friends a look of approval. "Any other thoughts?"

"Should we use the ma-?" Wormtail began but Moony cut him off.

"Well that seems to have cleared everything up. Try to keep an eye of protection, recruit people, and look for solid proof."

Padfoot and Mary began to stand but Alice spoke again. "Should we meet again? Like, start a regular meeting to discuss this?"

Everyone seemed to look to one another for approval. "It sounds good to me," you finally said. "Everyone Wednesday we'll eat here. Deal?"

"Deal."

As people began to file out, I took you aside to privately explain that I had plans with the Marauders this weekend and wouldn't be able to spend much time with you. You said that you were happy to hear that-which quite scared me at first-but then explained you needed to catch up on work. I love how studious you are Lily.

Nothing more seemed to happen between the two of us.

More hugs to my girlfriend!

James


End file.
